Hey there!

Before I go on, I told you we would have the woman's version of what masculinity felt like.  Well, Grace Cooley didn't disappoint.  Check out the whole article published this week.  Here's a teaser...click on it when you're ready.

He tastes like salted toffee-sweet, savory and salty together. Musky. The texture under my tongue is rough and smooth all at once-unpretentious and real. Warm, inviting.

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Moving on...What Stopped First For You - The Love or the Sex?

The answer is likely... neither.

If you have been in a relationship that started going sour, you may have blamed the lack of loving feelings.  Or you may have blamed the lack of good sex.

Some people think the loving words and behavior die first, then following close behind is the sex.

Other people think the sex dried up, therefore, the loving feelings did too.

The truth?   Neither the lack of love nor the lack of sex is to blame.

It's the lack of TRUST that stops first.

And it's possible you have never quite had that.

Can you keep a secret?  You're not alone.

 

What do you mean...we trust each other!

Sure you do. 

You trust each other to come home every night.  You trust each other to take good care of the kids.  You trust each other that you are happily married.  If not, someone would say something, right?

Probably not.

We fool ourselves constantly about the depth of our trust and respect for each other.  It's MUCH easier to declare it than actually try to lean into it.  To test it.  We're not sure we can COUNT on it.

We believe our own bull crap about the strength of our relationship to avoid confronting the scary possibility we may be wrong.

We profess our love for each other and make time for periodic, mediocre sex and we conclude that everything must be hunky-dory.

But, it's not.  Is it?

Why?

Because you don't trust her enough to say so.  And she doesn't trust you either.

If you are waiting for a time in your relationship to trust your partner enough to tell the truth, you must realize they are playing the same game.

The only way to break out of the deadlock that will doom your relationship is to start talking now.  The only chance you have to create a higher level of trust is to demonstrate your trustworthiness. 

 

This is accomplished when you are willing to take the risk of trusting someone with your vulnerability first.  Someone MUST go first.

 

It Takes Courage to Speak Your Truth

If I've learned anything after a 28 year marriage and getting a secret glimpse into ones just like yours, it's this.

We nearly NEVER say the words that are living in the deepest, scariest, vulnerable, most loving part of our souls.  These words paint the picture of our most powerfully passionate, absolutely authentic feelings and desires.

And we don't share them.  We don't trust each other enough to say them out loud. 

We don't know the outcome.  We not only doubt our partner's reaction to the words - we're afraid of our own.

Sometimes, we don't even believe we have the "right" to reveal the most honest part of our desires.  Who are WE to blurt out how we feel and what we want anyway?  Who should care?

It's so sad.

We watch the loving behaviors we used to enjoy fade away along with the facade of a sexual routine.

We stand witness to a crumbling relationship while we are biting our own tongues bloody to keep from saying what most needs to be said - our truth.

For some of us, we will choose to finally speak our truth on the deathbed of the relationship only to find it's way too late.  For others, we make it to our real deathbed and still choose to choke down the words we have always wanted to say.

 

What's YOUR Truth?

The most valuable result I can achieve with my clients is to help them speak their truth.  It is the secret sauce in creating, transforming, or ending an intimate, romantic relationship.

Sometimes this means digging deep to voice what you MOST BELIEVE about yourself, your values, and the future you want to live.

Other times this means excavating the words from your heart to help you tell your partner something so vulnerable, so secret, so dirty, and/or so LOVING that you may collapse after saying it.

And other times, this means unleashing your natural courage and dignity to take a stand against destructive and unhealthy behaviors which can no longer be tolerated. 

The truth has the power to create the relationship you've always dreamed of.

The truth has the power to inspire your partner to speak theirs and open their soul to you.

It also has the power to allow you to lovingly release someone from your life who has proven they don't belong.

 

What Now?

I want you to understand how I feel for you if you haven't spoken your truth yet.  I still taste the blood from my mangled tongue I bit for over 30 years.

I continue to find myself resisting the lump in my throat and the tears pushing from behind my eyes when I feel something deeply.  But vulnerability no longer scares me.  It's the most powerful life skill I've ever known.

It's a battle that is not won overnight, though.  It's a life-long process of taking one step at a time.  The satisfaction and peace of a mind comes from knowing that you've gotten in the right boat and you're headed to the island of your choice.

If you're scared, confused, sad, and a little angry, it's time to speak your truth.  Fears and all.

I'm living proof it works and I'm here to help you navigate that boat.

As long as you've pushed off from shore, you're a success. 

Failure only comes if you quit padding.

Call or email me today to set up a time to chat.  It's time you spoke your truth to someone you trust.

Whether you're a man or a woman, talking with me is a solid first step.

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

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