How to Be a Jedi Master of the Silent Treatment

Published: Sun, 10/17/21

Hey,

She passes you in the kitchen and an icy blast of indifference slaps you in the face.

And when you try to ask a question or start a conversation you get nothing in return or, at best, a one word answer.

You try to make eye contact to establish some type of connection and she acts as if you're invisible...possibly even dead to her.

When you start doing nice things to help her she seems even more aggravated!

Here's what most men do next:

1. They first feel a rush of anxiety, fear or anger as a result of rejection.

2. They ask 20 questions that start with what, how and/or why.

3. They start explaining or apologizing for something they think they did wrong to cause the problem.

4. They start an argument over something else.

5. They try to fight back with their own version of the silent treatment but quietly stew in anger while she seems so happy and self-satisfied.

6. Then they make one more plea for attention by doing all of the above again.

Why do we do those things?!

1. We do those things because we are confused.

2. We do those things because we are insecure.

3. We do those things because we are immature.

4. We do those things because we feel abandoned.

5. We do those things because we have not yet learned the subtle Jedi Master skill of love and acceptance.

The secrets of the Jedi Master husband:

1. I am not confused. It is quite simple. Sometimes people feel the need to be silent. Their silence is for them...not against me.

2. I am not insecure. Another person's reluctance to give me attention does not threaten me or my internal sense of security and peace.

3. I am not immature. I have grown to accept that I cannot and do not want to control the responses of other people. I am full and I am whole even in the midst of someone else's anger and immaturity.

4. I am not being rejected or abandoned. I am safe at all times. It is not my partner's job to make me feel strong, secure and worthy.

5. My unconditional love and acceptance for my lover is always my choice. It is my inner boy who wants me to choose resentment, fear and anger.

The Jedi Master husband isn't concerned about winning a battle of silence.

And he isn't concerned with forcing anyone to save him from his own emotional discomfort.

He knows his true power is in his ability to empathize and love her even when he's a little confused.

Sometimes a guy will say, "That's BS! She's a grown up. She can use her words. Why am I always expected to act like Jesus when she goes cold and silent?"

I get it. It seems like a valid question. But we normally ask this question when we're feeling pissed off, resentful and rejected. That's a really bad time to start asking questions and acting all self-righteous.

The best reason to hold yourself to a higher standard of thinking and behaving is because you decide it's who you are...independent from any outside circumstances.

The Golden Retriever Method:

You know who never gets upset about the silent treatment?

Your dog.

Your dog has a very consistent and effective way to deal with being ignored.

1. First lean in a bit and put your head on their shoulder.

2. Lightly lick the cheek and offer connection.

3. Give a sincere apology if you actually did something bad.

4. Go outside for a walk and then roll in the grass.

5. Chase something for the fun of it.

6. Eat dinner with gusto.

7. Take a nap.

It's not that your dog doesn't give a shit about you when you ignore him. He simply doesn't take it personally and goes about his day.

He's always there for you when you're ready to connect. He doesn't hold grudges.

And you love that about him. You can always count on that about him.

Your dog already knows how to be a Jedi Master partner.

How about you?

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Nearly all of a man's problems start with not knowing who he is. His lack of personal standards, beliefs and self-expectations make him as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And that feeling really sucks. ~ Steve H.

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Lotta love, brother,

Steve

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