I was working with a 32-year-old client the other day when it hit me.

 

He is facing circumstances in his marriage that give him an impending sense of doom.  He wife is growing colder by the day...disconnected, often disrespectful and frequently angry.

 

This is creating a constant uncertainty, anxiety and sadness within him.  His thoughts are dark which creates incessant feelings of fear and guilt.

 

His biggest challenge is the nagging fear that it's all his fault.  That he is broken and that he deserves everything that is happening.

What was it that "hit me"?

 

What he needs most is exactly what my 42, 52, 62 and (yeah) 72-year-old clients need.

It's simple but unusually difficult to achieve.

It's being able to say "hell yes!" to this question.

"Are you okay at this very moment?"

 

Another way to ask this is:

"Do you believe at your core that you are an honest, loving, caring, thoughtful, considerate, loyal, hard working man of integrity and innate value who truly loves his wife and kids?"

Because if we can't say "hell yes!" to this, then we know where we need to start our work.

I know we say it all the time, but every man's "happy life" begins inside himself.

He must have a clear and simple belief that he is "okay"....not broken...not a screwed up...and not toxic.

 

The solution to an impending sense of doom and the dark thoughts that come with is simple.

 

It's the sudden, blinding realization that you're okay and you're going to be okay.

 

I talk more about it here in this video.

One of the most powerful transformations a man can make is sharpening his ability to watch himself think.

 

When you become a keen observer of how you've been thinking yourself into fear, guilt and sadness you can FINALLY remember that you're actually okay.

 

 

Your "okayness" can then effectively deal with the reality of what's happening.  Yes...your circumstances may be incredibly sad, scary and uncertain.

 

But when you can face those circumstances from a foundation of emotional strength, confidence and self-respect your RESPONSES become much more effective.

 

Do you want a foundation like that?   Clear, calm and confident?

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