Hey,
Brace yourself. Almost every man I know does this sometimes. Me too.
It's important for you to know about the following ways we can speak that dilutes sexual polarity and often pisses women off.
This problem is so common mostly because you've been taught to be "nice". You think that being uncommitted is the same a "flexible". You think by not having an opinion, that she'll get to have her way. And you may think that if you sound too sure of yourself everyone will think you're an uncooperative asshole.
Not true, my brother.
Here are some clues to the weak language causing the problem.
- Umm, I don't really know what I think about that... (clueless)
- I was just.. (never start a sentence with that one)
- Does that makes sense?? (approval seeking)
- I would just add to that... (I'm not confident in my opinion)
- Whatever you want is fine. (Can't make a decision)
- What do you want to do tonight? (I have no opinion)
- This might not make any sense, but I think.... (self defeating)
- Whatever... (disconnected...or stoned)
- How was I supposed to know? (victimized and defensive)
I stepped right into this the other night when my sweetie said, are we going to drive up to see the fireworks?
And I said, "Whatever, I kinda forgot about it...do you wanna go?"
Ugh. What I REALLY wanted to say and finally said was,
"Hell yes, let's do it. We haven't had firework for 3 years up here. I'll grab a cooler and a blanket. You grab the drink you want. It'll be fun to get out for a change."
A SMILE beamed across her face. That's when I knew.
That's the big AH-HA!
She likes it when I have an opinion. She likes it when I'm clear and engaged. She likes it when I'm excited about something. And, she likes it when I have a plan.
*****
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Why do I sometimes forgot this? Why do I get lazy?
It's such a simple solution.
When I'm awake, engaged, thinking, planning and leading...our relationship feels really good. Everything is easy. Everything.
And when I'm not...it's not.
Can I be any more clear? I just need a periodic kick in the butt sometimes.
I feel so much stronger, relaxed and confident when I pay attention to this dynamic.
And when I don't pay attention, the wheels start to come off. This is when women will often push, prod and TEST us. It's usually when we're least prepared but when it's most needed. It seems unfair until we realize it's all part of the process.
She doesn't think I'm lazy.
She just FEELS better about us when I'm more engaged.
In this video I introduce TWO TYPES OF TESTS you may experience and how to pass them with flying colors.
