Why Chronic Defensiveness Will Cause Your Divorce

Published: Sun, 05/16/21

Hey,

One of the most uncomfortable ways to go through life and relationship is to BELIEVE EVERTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

This leads us to believe everything that happens outside of us is personal.

And THAT leads us to believe that we need to defend ourselves.

We must strike back.

We must defend our honor and get even!

*****

I'm a...ummm..."assertive" driver.

I drive a bit faster than most. I anticipate slow drivers, change lanes and make quick decisions. And when I'm in an anxious state of mind and I can downright childish. (anybody relate?)

The late comedian, George Carlin, brought my attention to this issue with this epic quote.

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

I suppose all that leaves on the highway is me. Hmmm...

Driving is the best place for me to practice the art of not giving a flip about what is happening outside of my own vehicle.

The only possible way somebody else's driving habits can make me anxious, angry or judgmental is if I believe their behaviors are somehow about me.

The most empowering, effective and attractive mindset a man can have in his life and relationship is the realization that nothing outside of him is in charge of his inside.

And when it comes to topic of a happy, loving, intimate relationship, this ONE THING can immediately change your weekend.

4 Steps to a Better Weekend

1. Decide that nothing is personal.

2. Pause yourself, listen and stay in your lane.

3. Refuse to counter-attack and defend yourself.

4. Assume the best in the other driver. (you know...her)

In this video I talk about WHY DIVORCE IS SO PREDICTABLE in a relationship plagued by defensiveness.

(I spent 2 hours trying to make this video right side up...really. Guess you'll have to turn your device upside down)

May 15, 2021

The Achilles Heal: Your Romantic, Sexual Partner

Guys always ask this question.

"Why is it so much easier for me to stay grounded, confident and secure with everyone else but my wife?!"

When we drill down to the very bottom of the issue, he decides that she has a very special power...a power nobody has over him.

And that is the power to hurt him.

It's not physical harm.

It's emotional harm. It's the hurt of rejection. The hurt of abandonment. And the hurt of being a failure.

It's the worst kind of hurt for many of us. It makes us over-reactive and defensive.

And we handed her that power early in the relationship...and she knows it.

She doesn't WANT to use it. She doesn't want it...period.

But when she sees our fearful and angry reactions to her, she knows.

And when she sees that insecurity rearing it's ugly head again and again, her ability to trust and feel safe begins to dwindle.

Your challenge is learning how to take your power back.

This is the power of self-assurance, self-approval and self respect.

*****

Are you ready to face the challenge?

Let's do it together.

Click this link to go to the Contact page on my site.

Fill out the unusually personal questions.
Be honest. Be thorough.
Let us show you something you didn't expect.
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That's a promise.

Lotta love, brother

Steve

P.S. This subject is exactly what we cover in the How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb Online Course and Community. This is a powerful way to dive deep into our coaching lessons and get a tribe of brothers to help you along in your journey.

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