Hey,
There's something eerily similar between getting fired from a job and "getting fired" from your marriage.
- There is the immediate shock and sadness that comes from the rejection and shame of failure.
- Then the desperation and bargaining that comes with trying to make it "not so"...to FIX it and get it back.
- Then comes the ego gripping fear of being all alone and forced to find a "replacement" for what you just lost.
Then - if you play your cards right - there comes the phase of realizing that maybe you've been given an amazing gift.
"Yeah, right", you say? Read on.
*****
Bob got fired from his job with a top tier electrical contracting firm. The reason was "downsizing" due to a weak local economy.
Bob thought this could never happen because he was one of the best electricians in the company. If fact, he earned nearly DOUBLE what the newer guys were getting paid. (He thinks that's the reason they let him go)
How was he going to find another job that paid as well? Who would hire him in this economy? How could he possibly convince the local competing company to hire him and pay him what he wanted?
Bob decided to go on a campaign to become irreplaceable. He would learn more than anyone else. He began a crash course in advanced controls programming, computer room design and fuel cell back-up power systems. (Important: those things really interested him!)
He also decided to get especially well educated in the company he planned to pursue. He understood their products, their customer base and their biggest challenges in the current market.
He felt like a rock star! And he convinced the competing company to interview him after 5 letters and 10 phone calls.
At the end of the interview with the owner of the company, the owner said, "I don't know what to say. I've never met anyone so clearly talented, motivated, educated and ambitious. You've blown me away with your preparation and your insights into our operations!"
Bob, wasn't prepared for what the owner said next.
"You're clearly over-qualified for the positions I have available. You don't belong working for someone else. I think you will find you'll do much better for yourself and your life if you went out on your own!"
Bob walked out of the building feeling both disappointed and nervously excited. The words, "You don't belong working for someone else." kept ringing in his ears. All he'd ever known was just showing up...being a good employee...working to someone else's agenda and priorities.
With a nervous smile, he realized he was just given an amazing gift. And after all the work he did to prepare for that job interview, he realized he had the ability to learn and do anything he wanted.
So he did. And his life changed forever in ways he never could have imagined.
*****
I'm going to just spell this out for you.
The pain of a failing marriage or the impending doom of divorce can be a gift for you if you choose to make it so.
You already know my bias in this deal.
Whether you stay married or not...you must decide you're done working for someone else's approval, affirmation and acceptance!
I'm not interested in helping you save your marriage. There's no such thing really. The "marriage" is simply you + her. And YOU is the variable over which you have complete control.
There is ONLY the decision to save yourself.
To LEARN. To change.
To see things in a better light...see HER in a better light.
To be focused ONLY on outcomes you control.
To be courageous and decisive even in the face of uncertainty.
This is what it sounds like when a man has this realization and finds himself a few months down the road. This is a real post right out of our GG2GM group conversation TODAY. (you should really be in this conversation)
*****
I came here scared, alone, and confused. My wife, kids, and I are better off because of what I was able to experience and learn through this brotherhood. We still love one another and always will. We will always be a part of each other's lives because of the beautiful kids we created together. No matter where you are in this amazing, terrifying, crazy
journey, try to accept things even if they don't make sense. The answer to the question why doesn't matter. There isn't a should've, would've, or could've. There only 'is' what is in this moment. What you can do in the now matters most. I pray each of you find your way here. Be strong and courageous. You will succeed, Brothers.
*****
