Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention ~ Sharon Salzberg
When men contact us, they are looking for an answer.
They want the path to fix the problem they're currently facing.
We work in the world of relationships and in particular men's confidence in relationships.
Most men think they know what confidence is and so they go about "being more confident" by doing the things that confident men do.
Little do they know that the way that they are approaching this problem is flawed from the start.
Why?
Because their confidence is based on unstable foundations.
What do I mean by that?
The problem with your relationship isn't that it's boring or sexless or distant or disrespectful with no kindness or affection.
In most cases, the problem with your relationship is that you don't know what you want.
I know, I know, I hear you saying "Yeah but what about her? She's the one who's pulling away."
Uhuh, and you're the one fighting for more of that.
What I mean by that, is, you're so focused on what you don't want, that you're creating more of it. Desperately clinging onto a crumbling marriage to a disconnected partner with a death grip.
She can't understand it. She's questioning why you're fighting so hard for something you're obviously not happy with.
Why would you fight for something that is full of all the things you don't want?
THAT version of the relationship is not worth saving - but yet I'm not talking about divorce.
The ability to let this version of your relationship die will give you the freedom to choose how a new version of the relationship will look.
Without that freedom, you're always focused on old issues. Trying to fix them but just giving them more attention and keeping them alive.
You won't be able to create the kind of marriage you want until you let go of the things you don't want.
The things that have got you to this point..
Why is it annoying to read what I just wrote above?
Because we men suck at understanding the principle behind this and the key to relationship success.
You can create whatever the hell it is you want and you don’t need anybody’s cooperation or permission to do it.
Whoaaa! - Hold onto your "Yeah but's..." for a moment.
The key behind CREATING a relationship full of passion and connection is all down to your INTENTION.
Decide what you want and then begin creating it by consistently modelling what it looks and feels like.
Stop blaming anyone else in the world for you not being a sexual, passionate and affectionate man who lives a connected, passionate, sexual and affectionate life!
I know it sounds overly simple, but it’s really not that hard once you learn to trust and believe in yourself.
Most of us were never taught how to be self-reliant, confident, unapologetic men.
Which means that when we try being sexual, passionate and affectionate we come across as uncertain, tentative and weak.
It’s this fearful energy that creates all of our problems.
It’s impossible to create anything you want when you're operating from fear. When you fear what people will think, say or do in response to you.
We fear not getting the outcome we want.
We fear the consequences of being who we really want to be.
We fear not being loved any more - maybe ever.
If you want to create a whole new version of your life and marriage, your first task is to face and then conquer these fears.
Men who do this work quickly find out they can create whatever they want.
So my question for you is...
Do you take up the challenge to learn how to live through your intention, let go of the old relationship along with all the things you don't want and start creating a new healthy relationship full of all the things you do want?
I see the amazing changes this process has on men every day, in every area of their lives, not just their relationships.
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to become the man you were always meant to be. It's a process of rediscovering your enthusiasm for life and it changes who you are as a man.
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Some ways for you to get back that old swagger and mojo are:
