If you are like most men (myself included), you've likely spent a lot of time wondering how to get more of what you want in your marriage.
This means that we end up thinking about how to fix things, how to identify the root cause of the problem and implement the solution.
Simple eh?
But there's a design floor in how we're approaching the problem which means we're never going to find the solution. Ever.
We're always looking at what we don't want as the cause of our problem.
We're always seeing the solution as fixing what's wrong.
She's just not attracted to me.
She's always to busy with other stuff to make time for us.
She cares more about the kids and her work than our relationship.
We're just not compatible.
You can't control other people or the situation you're in. All you can control is yourself, your attitude, your perspective, your decisions and your actions.
So the truth you need to hear right now is that even if your circumstances improve and that pain and suffering goes away while you're fixing what's wrong, there will always be another time when your circumstances change again and then you'll be right back where you started - needing to control what you can't control.
When it comes to getting what we want, there's a Jedi mind trick that changes everything.
There's a moment in our coaching when a man goes from thinking, wondering and worrying about how he's going to get what he wants, to CREATING, LEADING and INVITING her to share the enjoyment of experiences he's loving making happen.
It's a fundamental perception change and many men describe being able to feel it when it changes - almost perceptably like a switch flipping.
It's simple, but not easy.
If it was easy, every guy would already be in a deeply connected, loving, passionate relationship, and divorce rates would be much much lower.
Your transformation is from expecting things and people to change for you to be happy to expecting yourself to change and that that process of change is actually incredibly fun, exciting and rewarding.
When you choose to change yourself, you are making a statement of self trust.
You instantly feel better.
In fact this week a man reached out to me and just that process of choosing to reach out, making a decision purely for him, led onto a difficult conversation with his wife which changed everything for him.
The knot in his gut dissolved, the pain and frustration evaporated and he could breath again, he could eat a meal again.
He could start making decisions based on who he is as a man, what he believes in, what he wants for himself and his children.
His whole view of his future changed in an instant and opened right up. Now, instead of seeing problems, he can see opportunities.
He also said he suddenly felt his self respect, his self belief, his self confidence, his control over his emotions, his connection to his environment and the people in it shift too.
And now he can't wait to share who he is with the world.
All because of a perspective shift.
All because he made a decision for him.
He's no longer waiting for life to be different, he's enthusiastic about BECOMING different every day.
When you discover the power of your choice in any moment, you can start to give what you want rather than trying to get it and you learn how to consistently expect that you use this power again and again whenever you're faced with difficult circumstances.
There's something else that happens when men truly get this.
Women see you in a new attractive light.
It's like you have morphed into that man that other guys envy and women adore.
It had nothing to do with what other people were doing or not doing to you and everything to do with how you think about yourself and your ability to choose your perspective.
You are no longer an unattractive, adolescent minded guy who’s emotional and physical satisfaction are controlled by others and what you can get from them.
You're now a man who now knows that your old pain and sadness came from a place of weakness.
Your new strength is an aura of masculine confidence which allows you to unapologetically make decisions that create opportunities to experience what you want.
Now THAT is attractive!
