What is the path to becoming as confident as the man I mention in the video?
For most of us it's a painful one.
Until we are in intense pain, we don't find the motivation for the deep inner work that is required to become massively confident in WHO WE ARE not what we do.
You may be in that pain right now.
Maybe you recently heard your partner say, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I need space" or "I don't know if I want to be
married to you any more" or "I just don't feel that way about you now."
Owww, I know. It's like someone just filled your guts with acid.
Or maybe you're not there but you know something isn't right. There's coldness, distance and a lack of conversation, affection and connection between you.
I want you to know that whether your relationship ends or deepens and becomes all you can dream it could be, your path to the relaxed, fun, flirty, passionate and connected future you want is the same either way.
If you are a man in a struggling, frustrating or painful relationship, by choosing to take action and start growing now, you can start feeling better now too.
Of course you don't have to, but what we know, what we see every day is that the men who don't often find that a much bigger pain is headed their way.
Here's a painful truth that you don't want to face (I know because I didn't either).
Your wife secretly notices other men who are happily divorced.
You may have already observed that and it really stings.
I had to learn WHAT she saw in them that she didn't see in me.
It all made perfect sense once I worked it out.
I was acting like an unhappily married man.
Whereas these happily divorced men were enjoying a life filled with fun and adventure. No wonder women love them.
Why wouldn’t you decide to be this man while you’re still married?
Here's a list of the ways that the happily divorced man lives his life whether he's married or not:
- He is no longer an angry man.
- He is not “upset” with women.
- He is confident in his own value and doesn't need validation from others.
- He has sex. Good sex. Lots of it.
- He has amazing, fulfilling conversations with other men and women.
- He is not “rattled” by anything women do.
- He sees through a woman’s protective shell and into the truth of her insecure “little girl”.
- He talks freely, without shame, about his own annoying, insecure “little boy”.
- He feels empathy from a strong, masculine place of love and respect for women.
- He is calm and deliberate in how he relates to women – and the world.
- He really, really likes who he is being as a man.
- He knows he is a valuable man of integrity and character.
- He is a “prize”.
- He is massively secure.
- He gives his presence and attention to women without strings or gamesmanship.
- He has a low pulse and respiration rate around beautiful women – even when they are mad or upset.
- He is unaffected by a woman’s anger because he knows it’s not all about him – and it hardly ever is.
- He laughs at the games and contradictions that some women present to him.
- He swiftly removes people from his life who drain his energy and disrespect him and his values.
- He develops deeper, more meaningful and rewarding relationships with inspiring men and women.
- He has an “abundance mindset” which allows him to give of himself without strings.
- He knows he can create whatever he wants to have.
- He speaks boldly about his past mistakes and cheerfully shares what he's learned.
- He “Doesn’t give a fuck”...
- What other people think of him.
- That some women get mad, upset or disappointed.
- That some women won’t like him.
- That most people don’t understand him.
- That most people will never achieve what he has.
- He is more aware, more skilled, more generous and more satisfied in his sex life.
- He is in charge of his own happiness and mood every day.
- He takes away the power that women and others have had to validate him and make him feel good or bad.
- He laughs more. Out loud.
- He is more focused and more productive.
- He is more proactive and intentional with everything he does.
- He is more confrontational in defending his boundaries and responding with strength and calm confidence.
- He has little time or patience for whiners, complainers and victims – including the women in his life.
- He leads by example – consistently demonstrating the life he will live and what he expects from those in his life.
- He attracts feminine attention constantly and he knows exactly why it’s happening and what to do with it.
- He doesn't regard any one woman as the finish line of his life. He has options if needed.
- He is totally unapologetic in his masculinity.
- He is transparent in his sexuality and expectations for connected, affectionate and passionate intimacy.
- He doesn't take anything personally – ever.
- He knows they always have options and opportunities to have what they want.
- He cheerfully and lovingly invites people into his life, but nobody stands in his way.
- He doesn't negotiate, compromise or sacrifice his values or his purpose.
- He is clear and pleased about who he is and the life he is creating for himself.
- Women tell him, “I’ve never met a man like you.” And “I feel so safe, feminine and sexy with you.”
- He has no qualms about telling women “no” and ending relationships that don’t meet his expectations.
- He learns fast that his new frame totally changes his business or career success.
- He attracts more customers and more promotions because he has learned how to lead himself. This creates a new leader within that others respect and want to follow.
- He loves boldly and openly and vulnerably. When he decides to go “all in” in a relationship he expects the same in return.
I know you probably look at that list and think it sounds great but that it's pretty much impossible to achieve.
You’re right that it's not easy to achieve, that not many men get to that point of consistent confidence and clarity.
You may have met one or two in your life and, like me, with a little jealousy you imagined how they've had things handed to them all their lives without having to work hard to achieve them.
But the truth is that they CREATED the energy that they give off.
They committed to a process of learning and growth to BE more competent and confident.
The only difference between you and them is that they made a decision.
They wanted more and they decided that however and whatever it takes, they would find a way to have more, to BE more of the things they love experiencing in their life.
They didn’t wish for things to be different - they chose to be better.
Men who live their life in the skin of a happily divorced man are just like you. The only difference is in their tolerance for mediocrity.
Their decision to change was made with the uncertainty about what they didn’t yet know. They knew the new skills they had to learn would require practice – then more practice.
Not all men are cut out for it. That’s why these men are a small percentage of the population.
Steve and I want to change that.
There is no good reason why more men just like you can’t do this.
What else in your life did you suck at before you got good at it?
