How Do You Know if You're Being Too Needy?

Published: Sun, 07/08/18

Hey,

How do you know if you're being too needy?

You know...smothering, joined at the hip, invasive, pestering and insecure. I remember those days well.

And how do you know if you're being too independent?

You know...detached, selfish, distant, inattentive, dismissive, self-absorbed and asshole-ish. I remember those days well too.

The problem is that it's EASY for us to fall into either of those modes if we're not awake and aware. And nothing good happens when that happens.

That's what this email and video are all about.

I want to help you become more aware of who you are being so you can better create what you really want.

In the video I explain these two circles. One circle is you and the other circle is your lady.

That shaded football zone is your relationship.

How do you show up there? Do you feel confident,secure and healthy? Do you two openly share feelings and ideas without fear or taking things personally? Is it generally a calm, loving SAFE place?

Or does it feel scary, frustrating, dark and uncertain? Is there more conflict than conversation? More doubt than adoration? Is it generally a tense, cold and unsafe place?

The fancy words therapists use to talk about this stuff are "codependence", "independence" and "interdependence".

If we want to create a calm, loving and safe interdependent relationship we must learn to become confident, secure and healthy INDEPENDENT men.

Without a healthy frame of independence we will always look outside of ourselves for well-being. We will beg for attention and affection. And we will be a smothering source of insecurity in our relationships.

That's what co-dependence can feel like. When those circles eclipse each other you become wholly dependent on the other person to make you OKAY. And the outcome ain't pretty.

Learn more about it this video. I explain what healthy independence looks like and WHY it's so important to a healthy relationship.

How to be independent without being a selfish asshole

If you just implement ONE THING from this email try this.

When you're together with your woman this weekend...just pay attention. Turn off all distractions in your head and in your hands.

Listen. Make eye contact. Try harder to understand than trying to be understood. Be more interested than trying to be interesting. Say "Tell me more" when she stops talking.

In other words, be a calm, confident independent man who can be present without NEEDING anything. Lead with generosity. Lead with positive thoughts.

If nothing else happens, YOU will feel better about YOU...and that usually improves things overall.

Some guys find this stuff impossible. It can be ridiculously hard when your head is in the wrong place.

How do you get it in the right place?

Answer:

With other initiated men who have walked this path and can show you to fastest way to get where you want to go.

I've got ONE SPOT left in the August 24-26 Retreat here at my place. Come climb with us. (oh, and our private chef will blow you mind with the meals!)

Or think about a deeper dive for 4 months of intense work with a brotherhood of SIX MEN. The next Men's Cave Group Coaching session starts July 23rd.

Click on that link above to learn more. Hit reply if you would like to talk more about it - or anything else for that matter.

Lotta love, brother,

Steve

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