Are you reluctant to ask for what you want? Are you afraid of being viewed as demanding or needy or controlling?

Maybe you're just used to being bottom of the pile, your needs never taken into account? Or you lack confidence and don't believe that you deserve to get what you want...

In my case I grew up learning subtle ways to manipulate people to get what I wanted. 

Asking for what you want makes life much simpler. However, first you need to know what it is you want and what your limits are.

A good way to understand what you want is to start with what you don't want, and a failing relationship is abundant with things you know you don't want.

So you start with a simple list of disdain, dishonesty, arguing, blame, name calling, complaining, lack of affection and emotional distance.

Now you flip that around to find what you do want...

And you create a list that reads much better such as...respect, trust, affection, humour, acceptance, compassion, love. Ahhh, yes, just reading those words feels better.

But how do you get there from here?

Understanding what these values provide for you can completely change the way you communicate them. For example, for me affection reconnects us and shows enthusiasm and reassurance that she enjoys spending time together.

Contrary to popular belief, stating what you want makes life much more straightforward for her, too. It is not just self-serving, it serves everyone involved.

She knows what your needs are and why.

If she communicates her needs honestly too you can understand how your behaviour has been affecting how connected she feels to you.

When everyone is tentative and not saying what they want, the outcome is always unsatisfactory for everyone.

Being direct does have some negative consequences. Those who tend to manipulate or be controlling struggle because you take away their power when you state your wants and needs.

However part of our coaching is to accept that you can only control how you show up, not how others react to you. By being honest and stating your desires, you take the lead and you start to move the relationship and your life in the direction you want to go.

With the lack of telepathic humans. In order to create the relationship you want you must say what you need; I cannot emphasize this enough. 

When we don't communicate what we want, we end up becoming resentful and in most cases your partner wants you to be happy, so why not try?

Ask for what you want and you may be surprised at how often you get it.

If you want to improve your relationship and hold yourself accountable to being a better man we have two invitations for you:

Here are two things we're up to that can help you connect with other men who get you and can support you.

First

There is a new group coaching program starting on the 23rd of July.

This is a chance to join an exclusive group of high quality men who want to support and be supported by other high quality men.

We are here to share, listen, discuss and debate topics about men, women, sex, relationships and marriage…among other stuff.

Steve and I will be coaching you through our Masculine Confidence Intensive course over a period of 4 months. 

Some of the benefits you’ll leave with after completing the program will be:

• Claim your masculine guiding principles and personal boundaries
  
  
• Reignite your confidence in your own strength and ability to respond to women powerfully and attractively
  
  
• Get massive confidence in your decision making and communication of your desires and goals
  
  
• Become an unapologetically masculine and passionate man
  
  
• Learn the truth about feminine power and how you could be “dancing with it” instead of fighting it
  
  
• Develop a bold new attitude of pushing your comfort zone and eliminating excuses from your life
  
  
• Embrace uncertainty and change knowing without a doubt that you will thrive no matter what
  
  
• No longer walk on eggshells around women and claim your place as a powerful, loving, compassionate man
  
  
• Create positive sensual tension everywhere you go and enjoy the life of an inspired, engaged, motivated and sexual man.

This Program is For You If:

You want to create an intense and permanent SHIFT in your mindset in order to feel clear in your decisions and confident in your actions.

You want new tools, tactics and strategies to deal with your current challenges and emotional triggers. You want to be a man who operates to his own values and expectations of himself.

You want to be a man who confidently faces difficult circumstances and responds with calmness and clarity while staying independent of any specific outcome.

If you want to be a part of an exclusive group of men who have your back then find out more about the Mens Cave Group Coaching Program here.

Second

Join Steve in Colorado for his next retreat. This will be for 6 men maximum and will be one of the most powerful, emotionally significant and life-changing events you will ever attend.

It’s in a unique Rocky Mountain setting on my ranch near Denver. We’re going to hike, relax, eat, drink, talk, laugh and learn together. We’ll share sunrises and sunsets together.

We will be listening to each other’s triumphs and tribulations and supporting each other to go to a new level in their masculine power.

You will see coaching and be coached to learn a new perspective and a whole new strategy to change your circumstances and get what you want.

Prepare to get a serious shot of confidence, clarity and optimism about your future.

I call it a “Confident Leader” retreat because the most important part of being a leader is knowing how to confidently lead yourself first.

Find out more about the mens retreats coming up here.