Neediness: 3 Sure-Fire Ways to Know if You're Being That Guy

Published: Sun, 03/18/18

Hey,

Warning: This email might sting.

I wrote it as if I was sending it to a slightly younger version of myself. This comes from my past.

If you relate to what I'm about to tell you and it turns out you're a little needy, I assure you that there is a brighter future ahead.

Here are some of the most aggravating things a man can hear from a woman.

"You're so damn needy!"

"You smother me!"

"Why can't you get a life?"

"I need my space!"

....and my favorite country song title:

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Leave?!"

Being called "needy" is one of the most embarrassing, shaming and, usually, anger producing things that can happen.

What does it mean?

I've explained it before in terms of being a hummingbird vs. a mountain lion with your energy. This is an anxiety based neediness. Click that link for a video about that.

In this email I want to give you THREE things that are leading indicators of neediness. These are indicators of a deeper level of neediness based in insecurity, fear and self-worth.

I explain these THREE sure-fire ways to know if you're being needy in this video.

Neediness: 3 Sure-Fire Ways to Know if You’re Being That Guy

The three ways to know if you're being needy are:

1. Unhealthy anger

2. Unhealthy arguing

3. Unhealthy loneliness

Wait. Doesn't everyone get angry, argumentative and lonely sometimes?

Yes. Absolutely.

But there are healthy ways a person experiences those things and unhealthy ways.

Persistent and uncontrollable anger is usually a sign that you have unhealthy expectations of someone or something. Unhealthy expectations are those that are REALLY just "silent demands" you're making on others to make you feel good. They are hard "rules" you've created in your mind for how things or people are SUPPOSED to be. And when they aren't - you lose it. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED them to do or be something to make you feel better about yourself and to make the anger go away.

Constant arguing and creating conflict is usually a sign you have a need to "win" or to be "right" about something. It's also a sign that you don't feel confident in yourself and you need to defend your feelings or your opinion. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED to be heard and to be right in order to feel validated - that you are not crazy or stupid. You want to feel respected and you're finding that arguing isn't the best tool.

Feeling lonely whenever you're alone is usually a sign that you're not happy with your own company. Aloneness doesn't need to result in loneliness when you're actually aware of your own value and well-being and satisfied with who you are. Feeling lonely all the time is a sign you're looking outside yourself for affirmation and approval that you're good enough. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED them to take away your loneliness by rescuing you from your own insecure internal world.

Hey, I warned you this might sting. I remember the harsh burn of facing this news very clearly.

I've discovered the road to healthy SELF-RELIANCE and cool, calm, peaceful self-confidence can be a little bumpy.

Sometimes emails like this punch you in the nose and you want to hit back.

I get it.

But...I want to offer you a solution.

What if you found out the road isn't all that scary when you're with men who have already traveled it - many times. And they can reassure and guide you every step of the way.

What if you were to travel the road to more confidence, more peace, more intimacy and more laughter on the back of a horse?

Here's your invitation to a once-in-a-lifetime experience to help you get that. Learn more from Tim and I in this video.

2018 Ranch Retreat Video

Will you make yourself a priority this year?

Most men don't. They are too busy taking care of everyone else. Too busy minding the store and making the money. They are focused on the "outside game" of winning life.

But their "inside game" of confidence and clarity is suffering badly.

You can only improve your inside game with other men.

Tim Wade and I are hosting the 2nd Annual Confident Man Ranch Retreat in Loveland, Colorado on May 20-23, 2018.

This is for YOU - because you're in this community. We invite only those who are engaged in this work and are dedicated to learning and helping their brothers.

This is how we always wind up with an amazing blend of brothers who make the retreat powerful and life-changing.

If you want to create more calm confidence, more peace, more intimacy and more laughter in your life you need to learn what we (and a few good horses) have to teach you.

Ten men maximum are allowed. Only 5 spots are left.

Lotta love, brother,

Steve

P.S. You may not be ready yet for the time and investment of learning from initiated men in person yet. Here's a link to my $8 book that men tell me has IMMEDIATELY changed their lives and relationships. Get it HERE.

From Amazon:

"I was at a point in my life where I needed honesty, clarity, and frankly, help in my relationship. This book has given me insights into who I am, who I want to be, and what I have to offer in a relationship. I would recommend this book to anybody who has a desire to improve their own life and relationships. After reading this book cover to cover, I still go back and read through the pages weekly, always finding information pertaining to my current situations. It's full of tools and knowledge that are presented in a straight forward, honest way, that can easily by applied to life's circumstances. Well worth the time and money!"