The Two Ways to Handle an Argument that NEVER Work
One thing I became good at during 28 years of marriage
was arguing badly.
I have a PhD in things that don't work.
They say Thomas Edison once claimed, "I never had an
experiment fail. I know 10,000 things that don't work!"
I wish I could be so glib about all of my failed experiments when it came to getting into arguments.
Some arguments are really important. There are
disagreements and conversations about important things where both sides need to be heard and understood.
I'm not talking about those.
I'm
talking about arguments about stupid shit. I mean those little things that just don't matter and should never cause the depth of negativity, contempt and hurt they do.
You know exactly which topics I'm talking about.
* How to properly clean a kitchen
* How to properly load a dishwasher
* Which brand of ketchup to buy
* Why someone spent $8 on something...anything
* What that last agitated look was for...etc.
Here are the two ways of handling these arguments that will immediately cause even more harm than the argument itself.
1. Build an iron clad case of logic and historical evidence to prove that you are right and she is not only wrong, she's most likely crazy and irresponsible. If it happens at 8pm, try to drag out your defense until 10pm with a disgusted look on your face.
2. Go totally silent. Stew in your anger and assume she is making a personal attack on your manhood and quite possibly your penis size. Disappear for the evening and have an exhaustive conversation in your head where you have all the "perfect
comebacks". Go to bed mad and ignore her.
I'm allowed to call you out on this stuff because...remember...I've earned a PhD in this
stuff.
Both of those options have a 100% success rate in making matters worse, creating more distance, less attraction, less trust and less respect.
Both options also have a 100% success rate in making you feel horrible, giving you a knot in your gut, causing a loss of sleep and making you wish you could have a "do-over."
Part of my coaching (and a lot of the upcoming course) helps men have their "do-over".
This is a powerful exercise of imagining yourself in a much more confident skin.
When you have your "do-over"
from a clear, confident, calm place you are RESPONDING instead of REACTING.
You feel proud of who you are being and the situational awareness you have. It's like watching it in slow motion. You don't feel threatened.
You're more curious and amused with yourself for almost taking the bait and implementing one of those bad options.
You breathe more deeply. You
relax.
HOW do you do this?
It's not a "how" question. It's not about technique or tactics.
It's a "why" question. It's about principles and values.
Why does one man respond and another man react?
Because the man who responds has a totally different perspective.
It's liberating. It's the best form of freedom...emotional freedom.
If this is something you want, I'd like to schedule a chat with you to help you find out how to get it. Click here to apply for a consultation call.
Lotta love, brother,
Steve
P.S. For the first time in my life I'm taking a month off to recharge, relax and
reassess. That month is December this year. Any new clients I take on between now and then will have a break during December for reading and other assignments. I'm planning to have no calls, no emails, no videos and no articles. This may kill me. If you have any advice on how to do such a thing, I'm all ears, brother.
