Every other week I get together with a bunch of amazing guys in Fort Collins, CO. It's our "Men,
Marriage and Sex" Meetup group.
Recently we were talking about the difference between healthy self-confidence, arrogance and plain old assholism. (It's like a disease)
I threw out the notion that healthy confidence in a man is where he consciously cares about what others think, feel, fear and dream...but he doesn't give a crap what they think about him, his values or his mission.
This always confuses guys at first. Just the phrase "doesn't give a crap" makes them feel like an asshole. That's part of their problematic "good guy" social programming.
I word it like that to get a rise out of people. It challenges them. Both men and women
usually bristle at the idea of a guy who "doesn't give a crap".
But pay attention to the wording. He "consciously cares" about the feelings, fears and dreams of others. He may even want to have someone in his life who cares about HIS feelings, fears and dreams.
But a truly self-confident man doesn't get wrapped up in the drama of other people's opinion of him. He isn't rattled by their moods, disapproval or disappointment in him.
Why?
Because a truly self-confident man is operating to his own standards for a life well lived. He is living within his own boundaries as a man of integrity, honesty and transparency. He doesn't
require validation from others for the way he chooses to live his life.
He has clearly defined values which direct him. He's focused on a powerful vision of who he is, what he wants and where he is going.
He's on a MISSION that is more important to him than those who might judge him and his mission.
I believe it is only THIS GUY who can authentically care about other people's feelings, fears and
dreams without giving a crap what they think about him. He isn't attached to their approval or to any outcome.
Other men live in a prison of insecurity.
Everything other people say or think about them runs through a filter of self-doubt and fear that makes them react with anger and defensiveness.
They lash out in retaliation. Then they try to control others with criticism and
manipulation
These are not confident men. They are assholes.
I went down to the barn and made this quick video
for you about this.
