Hey,
When I wrote this week’s article I left out some important stuff. You can read that here.
I want give you a few more things to think about if you’re facing (or ever face) a time of struggle when she is disconnecting and pulling away from you and your relationship.
She’s spending more and more time away from home and with friends of all types. She’s not into you anymore. She’s detached, moody, angry, depressed and she’s pretty sure it’s all your fault.
You’re freaking out, trying to say and do everything in the book to make things better and it’s only making things worse. Then you start looking for a Hail Mary play to save the day.
It’s right about at this point where a man will start looking around for a little help. That was my story. Wait until the patient is just about dead then start thinking about calling 911.
I’ve come to realize that men can have ridiculous levels of pain tolerance and grand illusions of self-sufficiency.
That’s why I want to give you 3 quick tips now to help you in the event you find yourself trying to tough things out all by yourself.
Tip One: Do NOT Suffer in Silence
There is no such
thing as being a hero when a woman starts spiraling down and away from you. You need to spend quality time with other men who have lived through it. You will need their support, guidance and validation to keep you from imploding every day. Other men will give you hope when you think you have none left.
Tip Two: Don't Make it All About You
You both have a role to play in getting here and you need to be clear on that. It’s never all your fault. And that means you can't just "fix" you thinking that will "fix" her. Understand that depression, anxiety, buried fears and hormonal changes may be involved. That's her stuff and the
clearer you can see that the better. With clarity comes understanding, empathy and confidence. With confidence, you can respond to the uncertainty in productive ways instead of destructive way. And yes, you probably have some specific areas of improvement you need to make no matter what happens…which leads me to…
Tip Three: Improve Your Inner Game
Your inner talk and MINDSET are crucial. If you are spiraling down along with her and feeling angry, guilty, shameful and resentful this will not end well. By that I mean whether you split up or you spend another 10 years together you’re going to be a mess if you don't change your mindset. Negative self-talk,
shame, constant fear and insecurity are examples of what many men experience. This is the perfect time to look deep inside yourself and decide how this is going to make you stronger. I know you don’t feel lucky right now, but every man who decides to step into this inferno with the INTENT TO UNDERSTAND, LEARN AND GROW will come out of the other side this a different man.
A stronger, more confident, capable, attractive man.
This Isn’t a Self-Help Project
I’ve already
said it, but it bears repeating.
You can’t do this alone in a dark basement on a laptop. This isn’t a self-help project – it’s a team effort.
You need your team of men to hold you up, help you keep your eye on the ball and motivate you to stay focused on the only thing you can control – yourself and how you respond.
This is where I see true transformations take place every day. It’s in the heat of the battle with other
initiated men.
If you think you would benefit by joining a community of men like that, I’d like to invite you to a conversation about your current problems and about your future.
You can initiate that conversation with me
easily. Just hit reply and ask for help.
If you're feeling like reaching out will be like a 911 call, then you’re right on time.
Lotta love, brother,
Steve
P.S. Another way to get involved in a community of great men is to come to a men’s retreat. My next Colorado Mountain Men’s Overnight Retreat is coming up on August 20th. Click HERE to learn more and register. Ten spots maximum. Three are already taken.
