Why Hummingbird Husbands Never Get No Lovin'

Published: Sun, 07/10/16

Hey,

Many years ago I was one very frustrated, agitated, anxious and spontaneously angry man.

No lovin'.

No appreciation.

No respect.

No affection.

No sex.

Those issues were not all my fault, so don't think I'm throwing us guys under the bus in this article.

Why Hummingbird Husbands Get No Lovin'

But there is something I became acutely aware of about myself. And it wasn't until after my divorce that I became crystal clear about it.

After I had gotten involved in men's groups and talking with mentors about some of my feelings and frustrations, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Despite my Mr. Cool persona outside of the home at work and with friends, I could turn into quite an annoying "hummingbird" of a man. As you'll read in the article, I figured out that my particular brand of insecurity was triggered MOST when I was in the presence of the one woman I thought had control of my happiness, fulfillment and well-being.

It was only at home. I was like Superman once I was at work or just being with friends. My dirty little secret was that at home I had no compass.

My only measure of my "okayness" was her approval.

My "Hummingbird Husband" questions sounded like:

“Are you okay? What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong? Why are you mad? How are you doing?"

My secret motivation in all my questions was, “Am I okay?”

I didn't know I was "okay" as a man - a husband - or a lover until I received her confirmation on a daily basis.

That energy of insecurity and neediness is one of the most common reasons a man experiences what I did.

It can also result in a cold, disconnected, angry, sarcastic, mean-spirited woman who says things like "I love you - I just don't know if I'm 'In Love' with you anymore", among other fun phrases like that.

Yes. She had plenty of her own issues and I had nothing to do with that. But, looking back I wish someone was there to help me see what I was doing to MYSELF with that crap.

Why Hummingbird Husbands Get No Lovin'

Now I know better and my mission is to help you get as clear - and eventually happy as a clam - as I did. Once you figure out how to consciously move your mojo setting from "Hummingbird" to the "Mountain Lion" mode, your life changes. You're calmer. More relaxed. More giving. And you give a whole lot less of a crap what anyone thinks about you.

Your relationship changes.

Your confidence changes.

Your sex life changes.

Your conversations change.

You sleep better than ever.

You show up ever stronger at work and in friendships.

Insecurity will ruin a man and it almost ruined me. The embarrassment of feeling like a hummingbird kept me from asking for help or guidance for YEARS.

Believe me, I know exactly how hard it is to hit the reply button to this email and just say something like, "Hey, me too."

And if that's hard for you, then actually signing up for a deep phone conversation with another man like me is terrifying.

Yeah, but so is lot of other stuff you've done and you survived.

So give it a shot. I'm inviting you to a conversation that might change your life. It did for me. Just two friends chatting.

A guy told me a couple of days ago after our call, "Holy crap. I got more benefit and confidence from this call than I ever got in 6 months of couples counseling and therapy."

True story. Why? Because there is mountain of information and truth you will never hear in counselling. They don't know how to talk "man talk". They don't even believe in it. They think everything is about communication and cooperation and negotiation.

Hog wash. You know better, don't you?

Lotta love, brother,

Steve

P.S. The next men's retreat at my place is on August 20, 2016!

This one is going to be fantastic. More hiking. More fire. More guy talk.

To reserve your spot, just hit reply and say, "Hell yes, I'm in for August."

It's a measly $297 with "gourmet BBQ" and free tent camping if you're into that kind of thing.