Hey,

The answer is very, very simple.

You hang with other mountain lions.

You immerse yourself into the mindset and the process of consciously changing your "hummingbird" way into "mountain lion" thoughts and behaviors.

That's exactly what my overnight retreats are about.  Here's some information about the next one:

The August 20, 2016 Colorado Mountain Men's Overnight Retreat

Yesterday I sat down and tried to explain - to MYSELF - what I believe about men when it comes to women, love and sex.

Am I projecting my own experience here?  Hell yes.  And what I know now is that millions of men have experienced the same thing.  This is why I do what I do and why I want to help you.

Here's what I want to share with you:

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Men tend to respond to their lack of skill and confidence with women by becoming insanely knowledgeable, skilled and confident in something else (work, business, hobbies, games).  We usually experience little fear, anxiety, judgment or insecurity in those areas.  We can quickly find self-acceptance and validation here because we learn independently – outside the binds of a relationship with a woman.  We can become pretty impressed with ourselves!

But even when we master these things, we can still feel unfulfilled – shallow – lacking meaning in our life.  After all, those are just things we DO.

We try to create the real fulfillment, depth and meaning we want inside our relationships with women.  Through romance, love and sex we try to seek acceptance and validation through them.

And the fear, anxiety, judgment and insecurity associated with creating those relationships are over-whelming.  There is so much more at personal risk.  Therefore, we are timid and uncertain.  We avoid becoming knowledgeable, skilled and confident in this space because we fear feeling judged and inadequate.  The learning curve seems complex and mysterious compared to our other, quick “conquests” in life.  And we make the mistake of thinking that this new learning curve may be unnecessary.

Therefore, we try to “transfer” our confidence in our skill mastery outside of our relationship into our romantic relationship.  If we DO the right things, this should work!  But our skill mastery in doing the right things isn’t transferable to romance.  And it doesn’t grant us instant worthiness for romantic acceptance and validation.  And that feels really confusing and agitating.

The prospect of learning how to become an attractive man and solid partner is full of opportunities to fail - to feel like we aren’t good enough.  Fear, resentment and blame begin to enter the picture. The result is we now feel mediocre in both life and love.  Neither is giving us the feeling of depth, connection and meaning we want.

My core work with men is to help them make the following breakthrough.

We're doing it backwards. 

In our lives we first try to master non-relationship skills and transfer that “behavioral confidence” to our intimate relationships.  We try to apply the physics principle of “do this and get THAT” into an intimate human relationship that doesn’t recognize or respond to physics. We bring the confidence we achieve in DOING things into a realm where the most important thing is “emotional confidence” in who we are BEING.  Intimate human relationships are not fueled by performing actions – they are fueled by the intention of who we are BEING when we do them.

Mastering romance, love and sex with women requires a keen awareness of our desires, fears, intentions and motivations.  This awareness is not shown in behaviors a man does externally – it creates an internal mindset that drives his behavior – naturally, with calm confidence. Almost unconsciously.

Developing this confidence is a whole different game which runs much deeper than having “skills”.  It’s an inner game which is more challenging, requires more vulnerability and has more risk because the payoff is WORTH IT.  The payoff is life-long acceptance and validation that comes from within.  And that is what drives a man’s confidence, emotional strength and a sense of well-being.

When we choose to master this inner game we discover THIS is where the missing fulfillment, depth and meaning was in everything they’ve done so far. All of our power lies in this inner game.  If we can develop true confidence, emotional strength and a long-term sense of well-being we can create anything we want in life and love.

We understand why the old way never worked.  Just “doing the right things right” doesn’t make us feel truly confident.  We feel truly confident not from the things we do well – but from knowing well who we are being when we do them.\

How does a man change from doing things like a hummingbird to being like a mountain lion?

He hangs out with other mountain lions.

Go here to make that happen this August 20th.

The August 20, 2016 Colorado Mountain Men's Overnight Retreat

Lotta love,

Steve