Hey,
I want to share one of my biggest
personal struggles with you.
It's embarrassing, but I've come a long way.
I used to do this thing almost unconsciously which probably caused at least 50% of the friction in my marriage.
I remember my dad being really good at this. Luckily, I wasn't his target most of the time. But I remember how my stomach felt every time I saw him do it to others.
What sucks is that grew up mimicking him. But I was better at it than he was. Smarter. I honed my skill to be very
stealthy.
It's called contempt.
Contempt is defined as treating others as if they are not worthy of your approval or respect.
It hurts. The wounds go deep and take forever to heal - if ever. It makes you feel lower - less than - inadequate. It puts knots of anger, resentment and sadness in your stomach.
We all know exactly
what it feels like when it's done to us. It can be in-your-face name calling or criticism. But in your relationships, it's sometimes more subtle. Almost "innocent".
That was my specialty. Sly, intellectual, rational, innocent...contempt.
We can do it to anyone. Strangers, friends and family members are all eligible.
Even worse, our romantic partners are common targets. There's no other place for men and women that has as much tension and anxiety as in a long term, committed,
romantic, intimate and sexual relationship.
Every time someone gets emotionally triggered is a ripe opportunity for a snarky, cutting, belittling or condescending comment. And as you know, we can all be excellent opportunists.
It's hard to stop a bad behavior if your can't even see it coming. Of course we should choose more loving, respectful and approving words. But that's impossible if you don't even know all of the unconscious ways you may already be showing contempt.
Click on this link to read an article I published on contempt. I noticed that people who comment on blog articles give us beautiful examples of what not to
do.
Make your own comments. I think I'm already getting some people proving my point with theirs.
And if you're ready to find out how to
do a 180 degree turn in your relationship, consider coaching. My new specialty is showing you respect and approval as I help guide you to changing your relationship by changing how you show up.
It's a game changer. First you feel much better about you. Then you will feel how SHE changes her tune. It's sweet to
watch.
It's even better to know you have figured out how to create it.
Lots of love, brother,
Steve
P.S. If you want to experience first hand how this process feels, just hit reply and ask me for a free mentoring call. You don't get 100% of the things you never ask for. And if you know you're ready to get more serious, go HERE to fill out a short application. I'll contact you. We'll dig deep and then we'll find out if we're made for each other. 
