Actually, she has been talking about leaving for some time, so Allen has had some time to think about it.
He has heard about her unhappiness in many different ways.
"I think I need space to find myself."
"We would both be happier separated."
"I can't imagine staying here with you any longer."
"I'm definitely leaving, most likely, I think, pretty much at the end of the school year."
"I don't know what I want. But I'm not happy
here."
This will make a guy like Allen insane. He can't figure out what she really wants or why she is so confused about staying or going.
He wants her to stay and figure things out. Nothing he is saying or doing is helping.
Allen and I have worked together for a few weeks on this problem.
He finally got clear on what he really felt. He got confident about what he believed and what he MUST say to her.
It took a huge heart and lot of balls to tell her his truth.
"I told her that I don't need or want her to justify to me why she's arrived at this decision. Then I told her that I am not angry or resentful, and that she is not a bad person. I reiterated again by telling her 'I Love You, I'm not angry or resentful, and you are not a bad person nor should anyone suggest you are one by making this
decision'."
Allen said there was a deafening silence over the phone. She couldn't speak but finally eeked out a "thank you" before she had to hang up. It remains to be seen how this story ends.
But one
thing is clear and critically important to Allen. He said to me,
"The best part is, I didn't care what her response was, I was clear on what I wanted to say
and firmly planted a statement of truth and authenticity without wavering for a second."
This is exactly what I want for EVERY MAN.
I want you to know exactly what you believe, where you stand and to say what you want to say.
I want you to reach the point where you know what you can control and what you can't. And you're okay with that. Just like Allen.
If all you can control is your response, you can choose to respond with clarity, confidence, compassion and love. No matter what happens, you will NEVER regret taking the high road with strength and clarity.
And no matter how your story ends, you will know in your heart that your good is coming and very likely just around the corner.
I speak from experience on that.
