Hey,
Let me tell you a personal story. This was a
critical lesson for me.
You may not know that I used to own and operate a mountain Bed & Breakfast and Horse Hotel for 6 years. My ex-wife and I ran it together and hosted hundreds of guests and their horses. I could tell you dozens of hilarious stories, but this story later became an
important revelation for me with respect to relationships.
This revelation applies whether you’re a man or a woman. You will make your own connections and conclusions accordingly.
I liked to get up early and feed the guest horses before guests woke up. I’d make coffee and go to the barn to clean up and throw hay down for all the horses so their owners could look out their bedroom windows and see their happy ponies munching away as the sun rose over the barn.
Freakin’ paradise it was…until this one morning.
One horse was nicknamed “Hell Bitch” by her owner, Teresa. Hell Bitch had been to the B&B and other training clinics we put on previously. Hell Bitch was rumored to be a biter. Hell
Bitch did pretty much whatever she wanted and this was why she kept showing up to training clinics. Hell Bitch had been with Teresa since she was born and always got away with crappy behavior.
I stepped into Hell Bitch’s B&B pen and grabbed some hay for her. I kept facing her because I knew her
history. Feeling all 5’10” of my horse whisperer magnificence, I approached her, stroked her nervous little head and put the hay down in front of her. Satisfied I did everything right, I turned to leave by squeezing through two rails of the fence.
Halfway through the fence I felt the 1000 degree burn of
horse teeth tearing into the flesh in the middle of my back. It felt like she lifted me off the ground and then sucked every ounce of air out of my lungs!
I fell through fence and onto the ground in terrific pain – barely breathing.
Hell Bitch stayed true to her nature and got me when my back was turned.
It was 5:30 and this day was not starting out well. And the purple/green/blue bruise on my back lasted for 3 weeks
just to remind me about horses like Hell Bitch.
Up to this point in the story, I wanted to entertain you, get some sympathy and introduce you to Hell Bitch.
It’s the next part of the story that matters most.
That same day it was time for the training clinic to start.
The horse trainer I hired was about to teach me a lesson I want to pass on to you here. Horse training psychology applies VERY WELL in personal growth work and in relationships. Whether you’re a man or woman, this applies to you.
Hell Bitch was
first up in the training “round pen”. The trainer’s name was “Clay”. He asked Teresa what problems she was having with Hell Bitch.
Teresa said, “Well, I’ve had her since she was a baby and I guess she’s a little spoiled. She won’t do anything I ask her to do and she’s always got an
attitude. She’s also got a biting problem and will go after people walking past her pen. (Teresa didn’t know what happened that morning and I didn’t tell her until a year later)
Clay asked, “What’s just ONE THING she won’t do that you’ve asked for?”
Teresa answered, “Well, she won’t go to a trot with me. I’ve tried for 2 years and there is nothing I can do to get her to trot. I kick her, spank her, cluck at her, kiss at her…nothing. I think she’s got a physical limitation.”
Clay approached Hell Bitch (by the way, her given name was Moriah) to have a talk. He talked out loud to the horse so we all could hear.
“Moriah, it’s so sad that you’ve been called Hell Bitch all this
time. I know how a label like that can make you mad and want to live up to the reputation. So, Moriah doesn’t trot. I don’t believe it. You were born to run. You can certainly trot. I have no doubt. You’re one of the most beautiful horses I’ve seen and you are designed to move like the wind. I bet you’re gorgeous when you’re moving the way you were built to move.”
Clay spent 15 more minutes building Moriah’s trust by stroking her, picking up her feet, asking for small things like dropping her head, and walking behind her and patting her rump. He was relaxed and had no goal other than to help her feel relaxed and confident. He wanted her to FEEL his respect and admiration for her.
Then Clay said, “Let’s go for a ride, Moriah!” He put one foot in the stirrup and swung his leg over her back. His butt had barely touched the saddle as he leaned forward and smiled and invited her to move forward with a light bump of his calf muscles.
Teresa was crying out loud as she watched Moriah IMMEDIATELY take off at a trot and gracefully make circles around the pen.
Everyone else was crying too.
It was beautiful to see Clay and Moriah so comfortably gliding around in figure eight patterns as if they had known each other for years and were best friends.
Teresa’s
tears were both tears of joy…and tears of confusion. She loved knowing that Moriah was okay and was happy to be trotting with Clay.
But she was also concerned that she was a bad mom. A bad trainer. A bad student. A bad PERSON!
When Clay dismounted and took Hell…I mean, Moriah over to Teresa, she asked, “Clay, what in the world did you DO? How did she know it was okay to trot? How did she trust you so quickly?
Clay said, “Teresa, it has nothing to do with what I DID. It has everything to do with who I was BEING.”
“Moriah KNEW that I knew we were going to trot today. She knew that I knew she was made for running and that she wanted to trot.”
“The only difference between your efforts and my efforts is what's inside your head and your heart. Moriah isn’t a hell bitch. She just needs love, respect and clear leadership. She can sense your fear and she can smell your disdain.”
“Everything will change for you when you learn how to lose your fear of her and contempt for her. This is the lesson for everyone here today.”
“The quality of your relationship with your horses is a direct
reflection of your own feelings toward them. If you approach your relationship with fear and contempt, you will get it right back – every single time.”
“The ONLY WAY to create a relationship of trust, respect and partnership is to KNOW without any doubt in your mind that you will take the lead. You
will embody those values in ways that inspire your horses to join you.”
“And remember this. If you’re tentative, uncertain or unwilling to do this, they will ALWAYS take you for a ride you've never wanted.”
The End.
This is a true story...with some creative flair, of course.
It’s part of what has inspired me to pursue my passion with you.
There is NOTHING more rewarding to me than watching you see this light come on. Your life changes permanently for the better.
I know how to help you find the light switch. Are you ready to come out of the dark yet?
It’s like a day outdoors in the round pen. Well, it’s more like
90-days.
Men don’t learn stuff with e-courses or podcasts.
Men learn this stuff directly from other men. Go HERE to apply for a spot in the program.
Talk soon,
Steve
P.S. None of the names was changed to protect anyone. Clay, Teresa and Moriah would be proud have you learn from their story.
