Hey,

This is a true story about Jeff. (not his real name)  He gave me permission to share it with you.

This is a message of hope and it's worth reading to the end.

It’s about the “light switch” that comes on for a guy who has done his work and how really amazing stuff happens very soon after that.

Jeff had been putting off our final call in the program for weeks.  He wanted to save it for a time when he had something "really good" to talk about.

We were both hoping he would be calling to report a breakthrough in his struggle to save his long-term relationship with the woman he thought he would marry someday soon.

We finally had that last call a few days ago.  It wasn’t the news I was hoping to hear.  But Jeff couldn’t wait to tell me what was happening in his life.

You see, Jeff had been trying like hell to save his relationship from failure.

His girlfriend “Amanda” was a beautiful and fiery woman and their relationship started out with the normal fireworks of unbridled passion and attraction for each other.  It was easy and natural. 

But it didn’t last.

Amanda had gotten restless with the relationship and with Jeff.  In typical “good guy” fashion, Jeff made the mistake of trying to fix everything that made her unhappy.  He reacted badly to her moods and even worse to her rejection. 

He was getting down on himself and taking the blame for most everything.  He was confused and feared losing her.

Amanda began getting bolder with her blame and belittling of Jeff for everything that was going wrong in the relationship.  As he tried harder to please her and to reconnect she would get meaner. 

One of the most hurtful things she would call him was a “butt hurt pussy”.  I know…ouch.

Jeff and I worked on re-establishing his confidence and his personal value.  He got really clear on what was happening and why.  He learned to see her pain too.  We worked on how to respond to a mean, angry woman and how to stand up for himself with calm strength. 

Jeff began to get stronger and realized that, while he was far from perfect, he didn’t deserve the treatment he was getting.

To make a long story and little shorter, Jeff stood up for himself and made it clear to Amanda what he expected of himself and for their relationship.  He was committed to his own growth and personal change. He set boundaries on her abusive behavior and made no apology for expecting more.

He told her he wanted to take the relationship to a higher level including more respect, more openness, and more trust.

It was clear that Amanda wasn’t interested in hearing any of it as she continued her assault.

Weeks later, Jeff calmly informed her that the relationship was over and he would be moving out.

Sad?  Yes.  This sucks and feels horrible.  There is self-doubt and feelings of failure on both sides.

But Jeff was calling to talk to me about something else.

It was about the “switch” that flipped for him toward the end of his relationship. 

This switch was a change in perspective and confidence he never had felt before!

He knew he made the right decision and it felt good to have that clarity and sense of purpose moving forward.

That’s when he wrote his first Match.com dating profile. 

He put into it only the absolute truth about who he was, what he believed, where he was going and what he expected of a partner who might join him.

His inbox overflowed.  He was overwhelmed.

It seems that honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, and unapologetic expectations are fantastically attractive.

That’s about the time Amanda started what Jeff calls the “full court press” to get him back.

But it was far too late.  The switch had already flipped.  Jeff had no choice but to rebuke her advances which had become more and more bold and sexual.  He truly was no longer interested.  He wanted more.  He knew he deserved more.

And he found it.

Even though he had decided to slow down on his dating, there was one woman who caught his eye.  Her response to his dating profile was different.

Her name was “Lori”. 

When she walked into the coffee shop, Jeff was certain that this amazingly graceful, beautiful woman was NOT the woman he was there to meet.  She was too far above his air speed – not the type of woman who would ever be attracted to him.

He would be wrong.

Later, as their one hour date turned into many more hours, he confessed he was nearly drooling when she walked in the door.  She said, “Me too.”

He said the connection is almost scary and it’s like they’ve known each other before.  They shared SO MUCH in common - especially the values they had for a healthy relationship.  Their hearts connected on a level Jeff had always hoped for with Amanda.  He wasn’t sure if that was even possible with any woman.

Until now.

What’s the moral of the story?

There are many.

• Never be afraid to stand up for what you want
  
• Speak the truth about who you are and what you want no matter what
• Do your own work and have no dependence on the outcome
  
• Not all relationships can (or should) be saved
• When the “switch” flips – everything changes
• Amazing women are attracted to amazing men
• One way or another, your good is coming and you will be fine.

What did YOU learn from Jeff’s story?

Do you want to know more about the “switch” and how to flip it?

I’m here for you anytime to start that conversation.

Hit reply and tell me about your story and what you want.

I’d be honored to help you get it.

With great respect,

Steve