Hey,
This heart warming story could be about you. But unless your name is Jim, it’s probably not.
At least not yet anyway.
Jim (he told me to use his real name) called
me about 4 months ago in a real bad way. The amazing, smart, loving and beautiful woman he had been with for a few years since his divorce told him the words none of us wants to hear.
“I need space. I need time to get my head
together. I can’t be with you and work on me. Please don’t contact me any longer. I don’t know when or if we will be able to be together again.”
Those words fall into the same category
as:
“I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“I just don’t feel physically attracted to you
anymore”
“I just don’t feel a connection with you anymore.”
Jim was confused and overwhelmed
with questions, self-doubt, hurt, and a healthy dose of anxiety – the big knot in the gut kind.
What does she mean? What did I do wrong? What should I do now? When will she want to come back? Why can’t she talk to me
about it?
He asked the same questions most guys ask in this case – the exact same questions I asked when I got the same news a few years back. (I explain my story more if we talk)
Untying the Knot in the Stomach
The very first thing Jim and I worked on was eliminating the damn knot, learning
to breathe, and seeing clearly what was going on. We reviewed some recent email exchanges and some text exchanges. I gave him some insight into a woman’s mind when she is feeling anxious and smothered – not just by him, but by LIFE.
He started to see how his own behavior wasn’t helping her feel as safe, trusting, and attracted to him as she used to be. He made many adjustments. Most of them were simply in his own head.
We emailed back and forth constantly during some bad days going over how we handle the crappy thoughts in our heads, how to get through a work
day, and how to respond to her when you see her at a party.
90 Days Later
In Jim’s words: “Now she’s the one chasing me. I told her I had appointments today and look forward to seeing her later in the evening” … her response? “Do you have time to stop by and cuddle this morning?”
Hmmm…what changed in only 90 days?
Simple. He was no longer NEEDING her to call him, text him, spend Thanksgiving with him or even like him. He changed from NEEDING her to just WANTING
her.
What does this mean?
Needy energy felt to her like pressure. It felt like desperation. It felt like fear. Those are all forms of repelling emotional energy to nearly every woman.
We worked on rebuilding Jim’s confidence and self-respect. He got clear again that his value isn’t defined by someone else. We talked in depth about the incredibly close and passionate relationship they had in the beginning. Then we examined exactly how that fizzles out quickly when men lose sight of their own value and become overly invested in what others think about them.
When Jim began creating wanting energy, things started changing. To her this felt like strength. It felt safe. It felt refreshing, exciting, and inviting. He desired her without conditions. Even though she was serious about wanting time and space to focus on
herself, she was also attracted to Jim’s supportive, accepting, and inviting energy. Without saying so she admired and supported the work HE was doing.
Jim adores this woman. His respects her whip-smart mind and her chaotic emotions. He wants her in his life, but now knows he doesn’t need her to feel complete. That’s in his
hands.
She likes it that way. She likes HIM that way.
What about You?
I can’t promise you that you will have a story like this one. Every relationship is unique and it takes two people to make the effort.
What I CAN promise you, however, is that if you choose to start the ball rolling, things will change - usually quickly. If nothing changes then nothing will change.
When you decide to focus on being your own source of affirmation and recognize the “prize” you really are, you will stop needing others to do it for you.
You will stop walking on eggshells in your own house. You will feel more confident and less anxious.
You will endure less negativity and learn to create more fun and
positive interactions.
And you just might attract and inspire her to join you in your own success story.
Hit
reply. Ask me to call you. Tell me your story. Let's see what happens when you start changing the energy. I want to help guide you in the right direction.
