Hey,
This topic came to me after an intense call the other day.
When it comes to rebuilding the love and affection you
used to have, there is one rule that really sucks for men.
It ain’t right or fair and she knows it. But she can’t change that right now and you need to try not to resent her for it. She is fully aware that she is imperfect too, but that doesn’t change the rule.
Romantic energy has been seeping out of your relationship drop by drop for some time now and there is no question you BOTH are concerned and afraid of what might happen if nothing changes. But nothing has changed, has it? That’s because you either don’t know the rule or have chosen not to act on it.
What’s the rule?
When romance, affection, and sex are on the decline she is waiting for YOU to do something different – and she can’t
clearly explain to you what that “something” is.
Like I said, it doesn’t feel fair. Why can’t she just TELL you exactly what you need to do to fix everything?
Because it’s complicated. It’s highly emotional. And it’s extremely uncomfortable for her.
Music to Your Ears
Wouldn’t be nice if she just said, “Hey baby? Our romantic life has been on the back slide for a while now and I plan to fix it. I love you to pieces and don’t want to lose the passion we once had. I want our love to grow stronger – not weaker. Starting this weekend we are going to have one date night a week.
I also want longer kisses, warmer hugs, and more back rubs. And it’s about time we stopped making excuses about sex. I want to make room for our intimate time so nobody can screw it up for us. How’s that sound, pumpkin?”
Don’t hold your breath,
pumpkin. It’s not going to happen. Why?
Because she has just as much baggage holding her back from taking charge as you do. Therefore, she is waiting for you to take charge. This does NOT mean simply repeating what I wrote above. You can already imagine what the response might
be. It takes two people in a very healthy, trusting, respectful, and loving relationship to speak to each other like that. I’m guessing you’re not quite there right now.
What Taking Charge Means
Taking charge has nothing to do with control, manipulation, or dominance. Let’s be clear about that. That approach isn’t effective, isn’t attractive, and isn’t you.
Taking
charge simply means that you must proactively decide to change something that YOU want to change. Don’t makes changes just to make her happy. Don’t make changes just to make her like you. And don’t make changes that aren’t true to you and your values.
Did I say this was complicated? It’s
not. Here are some changes that can quickly reverse some of the negative feelings going on and allow romance to rear its head again.
- Quit arguing about stupid things. Agree to disagree and show you respect the hell out of her and her opinions. But don’t get rattled by disagreement. You can stand up for what you believe without trying to make her wrong. Respond to her.
Don’t react. Actually, that can be kind of hot.
- Replace your emotions of needing her respect and approval with the thought that you merely want her respect and approval. A man who desperately seeks female approval and attention stands no chance of creating romantic tension. You can confidently show adoration and desire for her without any need
for her to return it. Only needy men give in order to get something back.
- Close your eyes and empathize with her history and her feelings. Stop believing she is possessed by the need to emasculate you and make you feel like crap. She’s not - really. The greatest, most romantic gift you can give her is one of calm understanding and acceptance. Truly SEE her and
allow her to feel safe in your presence without fear of judgment, disapproval, or retaliation.
The What vs. the How
The problem with a short email like this is the list of “What to do’s” without much “How to do it” help.
You can find hundreds of books, articles, and speakers telling you exactly what you can do to change yourself and your relationships. Unfortunately, the secret sauce is all in the
“how”.
Our generation of men has been severely handicapped in the “how” department. For many reasons I go into during coaching sessions, we have been programmed in ways that make us blind to how we can be different and why it is the best thing we can do for ourselves
and the women who want to love us.
Millions of men these days are saying they feel powerless in their relationships. They feel confused about romance and sexuality. They don’t know what “feeling like a man” should actually feel like. They feel uninspired and uncertain about what they really
care about in life.
They are missing the “how” and the “why” in their life and relationships.
Learning the “how” and “why” is
best done with other men.
Perhaps like you, I didn’t get this from my father. I learned it from some great men who gave it to me when I was ready to hear it and apply it. Being “ready” usually means there is a noticeable pain telling you so.
Are you ready yet?
It’s just a phone call, pumpkin. The first free call is so powerful, some guys actually think it’s all they need. They would be wrong, but it’s pretty cool they think that.
Is there an investment of time and money? Yep. What else are you investing in these days that is more important?
I’m easy to contact and I’m here for
you when you’re ready.
Tons of love to ya, brother,
Steve
