Hey,

Don't worry, I'm not going to give you the sugary, upbeat, just-get-yourself-out-there, pre-holiday pep talk you're expecting.

It's perfectly okay to feel a little bluesy this time of year. 

I think about stuff I never got done in 2014. 

I'm feeling guilty as hell that I felt relief at a short Christmas shopping list and then realized it's because both my parents have died.

I wonder about getting older and all the people who have lost loved ones this year.  It reminds me of my own mortality and the fact that I will also lose loved ones someday.

So, no, I'm not going to tell you to suck it up, get over it, or act your way out of it.

Some of you may be lonely this time of year because it's your ex's turn with the kids.

Some of you may be lonely because you're looking for someone to spend quality time with.

And some of you may be lonely in the middle of a house full of people.

Just know you're not alone and you'll be fine.  Holidays have a way of AMPLIFYING loneliness and sadness.  Don't fall for it.  It's mostly B.S.

And besides that, I'm thinking about you and that better count for something dang it!

Making Use of the Pain

Emotional pain like loneliness, sadness, and self-doubt has a very useful purpose.  We're supposed to look at it.   Acknowledge it.  Lean INTO it.  Yeah, even talk to it and LAUGH with it.

This notion used to make me crinkle my nose and roll my eyes.  "What a crock!", I thought.

Then I found out that the only way to move forward was to give in and realize that my emotional pain was a signal to dig a little deeper.  It's a kick in the ass from God, the universe, the divine, whatever your spiritual orientation is.

Emotional pain can be a healthy dose of motivation if we see it for what it is.  It's a test of what we really believe about ourselves.  It's a challenge to see how gullible we are.

Don't take the bait.

Hello There, Pain

You:  Man, I'm feeling sad and lonely today.  I'm such a screw up.  Worthless.

Pain: Yep, pretty much what I was thinking.

You:  Pardon me?  I wasn't looking for agreement.

Pain:  Could have fooled me.  I thought misery loves company.

You:  No, not really.  Misery kind of likes a kind word of encouragement.

Pain:  And you want that from me?

You:  No, I don't.  I'm not really a screw up and I'm not worthless.  This is just a sad time of year and I'm feeling a little low.  I'll be fine.  Leave me alone.

Pain: Make up your mind.  Are you going to be fine or are you a hopeless screw up?

You:  I'm fine.  Really.  Don't let the door hit you in the ass.  I've got stuff to do.

Awkward silence, a little relief, and then, you grin!

Seriously, I've had this conversation.  It is real.  And it helps.

Also, realize that pain will return to check in on you just to make sure you're sure.

It's a lifelong cycle of getting used to the fact that we will feel pain and we HAVE THE ABILITY to attach whatever meaning we want to it.

The negative thoughts we have when pain first comes are almost ALWAYS wrong.  They are false beliefs.  Don't attach any importance to them.

Greet them.  Talk with them.  Laugh with them.  Open the door and show them out.

Then make a decision to do something different.  Do something for yourself.  Do something for someone else.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving!

With heartfelt thanks to you,

Steve