That's what my former client, Matt (not his real name) told me a few months after his divorce.

We had been working together for weeks through the events leading up to the final dissolution of his marriage.  Of the many regrets he had about his relationship with his ex-wife, the biggest was his inability to say what he wanted most.

 

He lived in fear of just saying what he most desired from his marriage.  It was too much.  Too risky.  Too confrontational.

He didn't want to make her angry.  He was avoiding divorce.  That would have been the worst outcome.

But it happened anyway.

 

Fast Forward Four Months

Matt had done a ton of soul searching work with me for some time. 

One of the most important things he accomplished was getting crystal clear on who he was as a man, what he had to offer women and the world, and to what standards of behavior he would now hold himself accountable.

And he got clear on what he would have - not wish for, not dream of - but what he fully expected for his next relationship.

Sitting at an outside table at a very cool restaurant, the warm summer air washed over Matt and his first date since the divorce.  She was beautiful.  Totally out of his league, he thought.  But she said 'yes' to his invitation to this seaside café and the chance to get to know each other better than just reading each other's profile on the dating website.

Out of the blue, as Matt reached for his pint of microbrew, his date tosses out THE question.  It would have mortified any other guy.  But not Matt.

"So, Matt.  What is it exactly you are looking for in a relationship with a woman", she asked casually.

Matt didn't flinch.  He had done his work.  The question didn't even surprise him.

He looked deeply into her eyes as he took his first sip of beer and smiled.

"That's really a great question", he replied as he sat back in his chair while maintaining eye contact.

 

We Don't Do This Work for the Sex, but Sometimes It Can't Be Helped

In a measured, but relaxed voice Matt said:

"I've learned things.  I'm not perfect, but I can be better each day.  I'm attracted to women who feel the same way.  I'm a man who intends to have long-term, committed, romantic, and amazingly sexual relationship.   I will find that because I'm willing to risk my heart and reveal myself, flaws and all, to a woman.  Somewhere is a woman who is on the same path.  Like me, SHE will have respect, trust, admiration, and adoration for a man who celebrates her.  We'll live, love, laugh, fight, and argue with an underlying foundation of acceptance and understanding of our shared values.  It won't be a fairytale.  It will be real, vulnerable, and even scary.  And our lovemaking will be epic."

 

The Obvious Question

Matt's date tried not to look stunned as she brought her wine glass to her lips.

"Wow", she said.  "Are you thinking of getting the burger or the tacos?"

He laughed and told her he was ordering the Fish and Chips.

Silence.

More silence.

Then she blurted, "So tell me why you got divorced!?"

"Like I said.  I've learned things."  Matt replied.

 

The Aftermath

A week later in an email, Matt was relaying this story and a very short version of his trip home.  His email title was, "You'll want to sit down for this."

He spared the detail (good man) but implied that some furniture was broken over about 2 hrs. of the most unbelievable, mind blowing sex he has ever imagined - let alone experienced. 

She attacked him.  He didn't fight back.

But he wasn't sure why.  What exactly did he do right?  What exactly did he say?

I told Matt that he discovered what it means when I told him that he can't go through life worrying about the best thing to do or the perfect thing to say.

All he ever needed to worry about was Am I BEING who I want to be?

He wanted to know why he couldn't be that man in his marriage.

All I could tell him was, "Hey, we learn things.  Sometimes the hard way.  Sometimes it's the only way."

 

My Unapologetic Offer to You

If you are a person who wants to be on this path, I want to help you.

The one thing missing from most of our lives are other people who care about us enough to want to mentor us and to guide us.  I'm so grateful to those who were there for me.

It's not "work".  It's just an intentional effort to be better.

Is it time for you to be intentional?

Contact me today to schedule a Discovery Call that will knock your socks off.

It's not "Free". 

Be prepared to seriously invest some time and some heart.  I promise to do the same.

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

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