There you both are.  Years are passing by and little by little you feel more and more disconnected.

You no longer laugh and dream about all the great stuff you have planned together.

Life has gotten tough.  Juggling responsibilities has become overwhelming.

All your communication has turned "tactical".

"What time are you picking up the kids?"

"We're going to my mom's for dinner Sunday."

"Did you call the bank about that overdraft?"

"Hello.  Good morning.  Good night.  See ya later."

Ugh.  You didn't sign up for this.  JUST this.

Did you?

 

How Did We Wind Up Here?

It goes something like this.

"Well, she thinks everything is important in her world but me.  I try to plan things and she always has a reason it won't work.  I feel like I don't matter to her and I'm living on the hairy edge of being told off all the time.  I don't dare try to touch or kiss her anymore.  She's a control freak.  If something isn't her idea, she's not going to like it.  It seems I can't do anything right in her mind."

And...

"Well, he seems to think everything is so easy.  He doesn't see the hard work involved in keeping the household together, meals planned, kids taken care of, and doing ALL of the social planning.  He thinks I like it this way and he's wrong.  I work too.   I feel judged and unappreciated every time he complains about my priorities and being a "control freak".  I wish we could work better together as a team.  It seems I can't do anything right in his mind."

Any of this sound familiar?

I'm betting you used to be a PHENOMENAL team before all this stuff came up.

 

The Real Reason You Wound Up Here

The reason your marriage just might end is because you both have totally lost sight of the goal.

From the beginning, above all else, your two-person team is the most important part of your marriage.

You've been neglecting the team.

With a well-oiled team (you know what I mean), you can handle anything.  In-laws, job moves, children, health issues, stress, exhaustion, and anger are handled with patience, kindness, and compassion - well, most of the time.

When you neglect the strength of your team, everything else in your life has the chance to slowly pry you apart.

When you forget your job of protecting your teammate, you begin to focus on all the things you're not getting out of your relationship, instead of what you have to GIVE.

When you fail to go to "practice" and "work-out" regularly, your team gets weak and ineffective - lazy even.

The ONLY way out of this mess is to clearly understand that your strength is in your team.   It always has been.  And the people you love most in your life are watching you from the sidelines.

They cannot be and don't want to be a priority in your life before you make each other a priority.

The people you love in your life will benefit most when your team is healthy, focused, and strong.

Don't let them down.

 

Practice?  Work-out?

We aren't taught very well how to do this in our relationships.   If you're anything like me (and I know I certainly am), you got hitched and pretty much thought all the tough stuff was over.

All downhill from here.  On the gravy train to happiness and a bottomless sex buffet.

Nobody ever told you that someday you might have to muster the courage to say to her/him:

"Baby, neither of us ever expected to be here feeling like this.  I am DONE feeling powerless against these bad feelings and stupid arguments.  I love you too much and our marriage is too precious for me to sit here and watch this happen.  I expect more from myself and FOR myself.  And you deserve more.  Bear with me while I start working harder on my own issues.  All I need from you is a little trust and patience.  I'm not going anywhere."

If that's too much to start with, just try,

"I'm sorry.  I love you.  I can do better."

Choosing to say and do uncomfortable things to keep your team strong is what practice and working out means.  The longer you've gone without practice, the longer it will take you to get back in shape.

Sometimes We Need Help

I'm on the verge of hiring a new coach to help me grow my business and my confidence in taking the next steps.  It's scary for me.  Can I afford it?  Will it really help?  Why does he live in freaking Finland?

We ALL need help sometimes.  I've helped clients come up with a ten word sentence that said exactly what they felt from their heart.  They gave the gift of a powerfully loving message without the 100 word drama filled essay they usually give.  When they finally found the courage to say it out loud, from their truth, the relationship energy changed that day.

Our biggest challenges are when we hide in fear of being who we want to be.  We're afraid to say what we want to say.  We're embarrassed to ask for what we want most.

We're uncertain how to have the relationship we were meant to have.

Let's remove your uncertainty.  Let's get you back in shape.  Let's find your courage.

It's what I do and I'm absolutely committed to doing it better than anyone else.

Are you ready for a powerful and intensely personal conversation?

Are you ready to feel not just listened to, but finally HEARD?

I want to invite you to call or email me to get the ball rolling.  There are many options for how we can work together.  Your life is customized and so is my coaching methodology.

Somebody needs to take the first step.

That would be you.

 

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

P.S.  If you're traveling distance from Colorado (and who isn't), I am cohosting a very special couples retreat focused on RECONNECTING and REIGNITING FUN in your relationship.  Family and Marriage Therapist, Aaron Anderson and I have planned an exclusive getaway for only SIX COUPLES.

Maybe it's time you stepped up and initiated something special for your marriage?

This 3-day, 2-night,  affordable all inclusive retreat is near Estes Park, Colorado in an amazingly beautiful location and lodge.  Private deluxe rooms and baths, indoor pool/spa, meals, dancing and massage activities, and private time are all included for only $1197 per couple.

It will be held on September 19, 20 and 21, 2014.

Are you ready to focus on your team?  Do you know anyone who might join you?

Check out the retreat website for more details:  http://www.reignitemyrelationship.com

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

New Blog Learning Resource Directory HERE!

Lots of FACEBOOK fun here!

Go HERE to Read What These Guys and Gals Have to Say