Are you a parent in a HIGH CONFLICT marriage?

This message may not apply to you and your relationship, so skip it if you are not in a situation of possible divorce with kids involved.

A number of things in the last two days made me write this just to get it out there and off my chest.

 

It's the cold, hard truth about kids and divorce.  I'm a product of one and about half of my readers are too.

 

Many of my clients are struggling with the decision of how to proceed in their marriage.  Of course, the impact on the kids is a KEY concern, as it should be.

 

As Dr. Phil said in a recent show, (I paraphrase here) "Study after study has shown without a doubt that children in a "high conflict" marriage end up better off if the parents separate than if they stay together."  His big concern is making kids "navigate two worlds", but acknowledges even that is better than being exposed to constant high conflict.

 

Many times the conflict is entirely one sided.  One partner has chosen a consistent path of calmness, understanding and maturity.  The other partner has chosen nothing but conflict in the form of screaming, name calling, physical abuse, and frequent disappearing acts.

 

The problem with many people in defining a "high conflict" relationship is that over-time they get desensitized to it.  What is clearly unhealthy, destructive, disrespectful, and damaging behavior becomes blurry for the man or woman who is mired in the middle of it all.

 

They lose track of how bad things have gotten.  They lose clarity about their boundaries for acceptable behavior.  They compromise their deepest values about what they expect for themselves AND their children.

 

A partner who is allowed to continue that behavior without consequences has no motivation to change.  No reason to seek help and OWN the responsibility for their issues and actions.  

 

So what do you do?

 

I'm not in the business of telling clients what to do.  But I am in the business of telling you that without CLARITY and CONFIDENCE, you can not be a source of strength for yourself or anyone else.

 

With clarity and confidence, you can't make ANY decision that needs to be made. 

 

The very best gift a child can receive is a lifelong ROLE MODEL of a loving, caring parent who can teach them the value of knowing and defending personal boundaries.

 

A child will never forget how it FEELS to them when you demonstrate strength and maturity by making hard decisions from a place of love and compassion.

 

Only with clarity and confidence can we give ANYONE the gift of encouragement to live their life according to their values for healthy, respectful, and loving relationships.

 

Want help getting clear?   Want to feel more confident?

 

I'm here if you need me.

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

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