Hi brothers and sisters! 

This topic hit me hard this weekend and I wanted to share it with you.  If it resonates with you, hit reply and let me know if you would like to hear more on the subject.

Comedian Steven Wright was asked, "Do you know that feeling when you're leaning back on a chair on a slick floor and all of the sudden it feels like the chair is sliding out from under you?"  He said, "Yeah.  I feel like that ALL THE TIME!"

The feeling I'm talking about is very close to that one.   Most people are SO scared and embarrassed by their reaction that they will cover it up immediately.  They will act like nothing happened.  They try to disguise it and forget it ASAP.

That feeling is called "vulnerability".

You've experienced something that shakes you to your core.

Something has affected you so deeply that your reaction is 100% involuntary.

And it's 100% authentic.  USDA Certified YOU.

And trying to ignore it, hide it, or deny it is the very thing that could ruin your life and your relationships.

 

What is VULNERABILITY?

In her book, Daring Greatly, author Brene Brown defines vulnerability as, "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure".

In life and love, avoiding our feelings of vulnerability can result in us showing a false personality to others.  We only show our controlled side - free of emotional risk.  We like to pretend we're tough enough to withstand what might make others angry, sad, or scared.

You know what's funny about that?

We are often HUGELY attracted to vulnerability in others while we refuse to reveal our own to them.  Those who are brave enough to share their fears and emotional secrets appear to be some of the most authentic, trustworthy, and honest people we know.

And we are drawn to them like flies. 

Yet, we refuse to give them the same gift.

Yes, it's a gift.  Vulnerability is not a weakness nor are the emotions that come with it.

Vulnerability and the risks that come with it is the ONLY way you can share your authentic gifts with anyone in your life.

And your choice to NOT share those gifts speaks volumes to those in your life.

 

That Lump in Your Throat is a Gift

Have you ever watched a movie with a scene that was SO sad that your throat closed up without notice?

Your eyes welled up with tears so fast you had to turn away?

And snot ran straight out of your nose before you could fake a sneeze?

Of course you have.  Me too.  And I'm still working on my automatic reaction to hide it.

Those feelings are the MOST honest depiction of who I am and what makes me tick.  If I can become comfortable with those and ANY feelings that move me like that, I can reveal my truth with those I care about.  I can share what makes me happy, sad, worried, angry, or turned on.

This is a gift to those you want in your life.

An even BIGGER gift is your acceptance and empathy for THEIR vulnerability.  This is only possible when you have come to terms with YOUR vulnerability.  Without empathy, you will appear to judge and disapprove of the very people you proclaim to love.  To them it feels like shame which is sometimes unforgivable.

Making someone else feel safe enough to reveal their truth to you is one of the most loving things you can do.

Not doing this either by choice or unawareness may be the very source of the vanishing intimacy in your relationship.

 

Women call it emotional abuse or neglect - their leading reasons for divorce.

Men call it missing intimacy or coldness - their leading reasons for affairs.

 

The Opportunities are Endless

How do you get the ball rolling?

The not-so-simple answer is to begin opening up.  Speak.  Just speak your truth.

• "I really miss my mom since she died.  I miss her laugh.  I miss her phone calls."

• "I can't stop thinking about that poor squirrel I ran over last weekend.  That really bothered me."

• "When you touch the back of my neck when I'm driving it feels so good I get a lump in my throat."

• "When I feel like you REALLY hear what I'm saying and not judging me I feel so loved."

• "When I saw that couple making love in the movie I cried to myself because I want to feel desired like that.  I want to be a person who has that kind of intimacy with you."

• "Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by life I just want you to hold me and tell me everything will be okay.  I want you to rescue me and I want to be able to rescue you."

• "I'm feeling really scared about our lack of intimacy.  The anger you see isn't really me being mad.  It's me being scared and I want to feel safe talking about it with you."

 

The Real Reward?

As scary as it seems, sharing your vulnerability is the best gift you can give yourself.

There is no safer feeling than knowing that all your cards are on the table.

There is no more powerful feeling than knowing that you have made the choice to be who you are and share who you are without apology or concern for outcomes.

Brene Brown put it this way:

"And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there's a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But as I look back on my own life and what Daring Greatly has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen."

Why do some people hire a coach? (click here for all coaching products)

Because it can be the safest, fastest, and most powerful way to finally stand on the INSIDE of your life and grow the courage to show up and let yourself be seen.

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

New Blog Learning Resource Directory HERE!

Lots of FACEBOOK fun here!

Go HERE to Read What These Guys and Gals Have to Say