Hey!,

How are you?  Weather is finally warming up here at my elevation of 7600 ft.  Fired up the lawn tractor for the first time today!

While sitting for an hour, this newsletter came to mind.

Whether or not you're concerned about losing your wife, this message is for everyone.

Single.  Married.  Or Divorced.

A few weeks ago I did a podcast interview with Dr. Brenda Wade - The Good Love Doctor.

 (you have to click toward the middle of the show if you want to hear my interview)

We were talking about the topic of divorce and the fact that at least two-thirds of them are initiated by women...with nearly 100% of those men saying they were caught off guard.

I mentioned that my experience is that women seem to plan their departure for about 2 years before giving "notice".  During that time, they are collecting reason after reason to confirm their emotions are right -that they need to get out.  These wives are frequently emotionally checked out, have stopped arguing, spend a lot of time with "the girls", and have an eerie calm and disrespectful cockiness about them.

And guess what?

In order to keep the master plan in order, they will occasionally throw you a bone of affection and even sex to keep you from connecting the dots of their secret plan.

After describing this to Dr. Wade she said, "Ahhh yes.  In marriage counseling we call that the "Walk Away Wife Syndrome."

And she agreed that, despite their misleading intentions, most wives respond to their stunned husband with, "How in the world could you NOT know??"

(Disclaimer:  I'm very much aware of the MANY marriage situations which are seriously dysfunctional, unhealthy, unsafe, and out-of-control.  Women who leave these situations with courage and clarity are NOT the women I'm discussing here.)

 

Why Most Men Don't Know

Most guys are caught off guard for two reasons.

First, although they know things aren't perfect, they are still focused on going to work, building their career, providing for the family, and keeping up social appearances.  They figure EVERYBODY has these kinds of bumps in their marriage.  Nothing is so wrong that it can't work itself out.

Second, their wives are scared to death to speak their truth.  They can't possibly speak directly about their deeply hurt feelings, insecurities, and dependence on his being more emotionally supportive.  It feels impossible to communicate their desire to connect deeper and their yearning for a more passionate sex life.

Because of his underestimation of her pain and her over estimation of his awareness, she feels that there is no choice. 

It is his lack of awareness of her needs and her inability to help him to understand which leads to her only conclusion.

She must leave.

 

The Window of Opportunity to Save This Thing

There IS a window of time in which a man can put a hitch in her plan.

If he wants to, that is.

And that's the most important thing.  You actually have to WANT to.

You can't be "kind of" interested.  You can't be "mostly" committed.

You have to be 100%, all in, both feet firmly planted in the door ready to do some serious work.

The good news?

The work is TOTALLY within your control.  The work is 100% within your grasp.

This is because your work is a remodel job on YOU, not her.

What we can do is lay a better FOUNDATION for your mind set.  We can FRAME UP new expectations you will choose for yourself no matter what she thinks.  We will build a ROOF of a new kind of love that protects your marriage and family from the destructive behaviors both of you have adopted.

 

The Bad News - The Outcome is Uncertain

It still might not work.  There is no guarantee how another person in this world will make their choices.

We have no control over their emotions, their imaginations, their dreams, and their desires.

We can't change her.  We can't persuade her.  We can't argue with her.

You could still get hurt.

But that was also true on your wedding day.

We can always get hurt.  But that's a really lame excuse for not choosing to up your game.

For you.

 

The Good News Again - Your Outcome IS Certain

If you choose the path of growing yourself, your outcome is very predictable.

Every man I know who has chosen to start learning more about himself, about women, and about his power to INSPIRE is better off now than before.

When you go "all in" on becoming a better man for YOURSELF first, your confidence skyrockets.

When you plant both feet in the door and started thinking, saying, and doing things for your family from a place of MASCULINE LOVE, your relationships change nearly immediately.

When you commit to operating to a new set of principles, you find out that the fear of hurt and abandonment was a ghost - a false belief.

You become an extremely magnetic, attractive, and SAFE place to be.

You become an authentically loving, confident, strong man of value who any woman would love to be with.

You become the ONLY man who stands a chance of inspiring his wife to step up and become the kind of partner you deserve.

Who knows what she will choose.  I have a good guess.

But I also know that you are incredibly well prepared for a rewarding relationship no matter what she chooses.

As someone told me once,

"I'm not necessarily trying to help you save THIS relationship.  I'm preparing you to find happiness and satisfaction in ANY relationship."

They were right.

You can take your first step by calling me today and signing up for one of these Affordable 3-Meeting Solutions.

For you local guys, don't forget to register for our exclusive men's retreat at my place on Saturday, July 19th.  Spaces still open at this writing!

To Better Life and Love,

Steve

www.goodguys2greatmen.com

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