This email isn't about YOU talking dirty - that's a full coaching session or two in itself.  It's just that it turned out this email has some "adult" language in it and I wanted to warn you.  If you're offended by that kind of thing, hit delete now.

Hey you,

Yes you.  I was thinking about you tonight when I was reading some articles from other coaches and counselors.  LOTS of really good stuff and good people out there doing amazing work in the field of Men's Work - that is, men who are working on themselves and their relationships. 

Seriously, I started thinking about YOU.  Here's why.

Jayson Gaddis (jasyongaddis.com) is a fellow Coloradoan who writes some pretty deep stuff about guys like you and I.  If you like reading some really heady, hard hitting stuff and spot-on analysis, I think he's a great source.

He mentioned in an interview that the only reason men FINALLY decide to start looking at themselves and doing some serious work is because of two things.

PAIN or HUNGER.

I've always used the 2x4 against the head metaphor, but I like PAIN and HUNGER better.

Which do YOU have?  PAIN or HUNGER?

Do you feel the pain of being rejected by the woman you love?  The woman who is supposed to love you back? 

Is it the pain of seeing her slowly detach from you and the life you thought you would have together?

Is it the pain of discovering that YOU might have been able to prevent it?

Is it the pain of the anger you feel each time she defies you, criticizes you, or ignores you?

Is it the pain of feeling like women can't see you?  Of thinking that you will NEVER meet a great woman who can love you and accept your love in return?

What about HUNGER?

Do you hunger for a woman's tender touch initiated from her own desire for you?

Do you hunger for a mutual feeling of adoration and affection in words and touch you know you can count on?

Do you hunger for respect and appreciation?

Do you hunger for sex?  Not good sex - GREAT sex!

I'm talking all out, wet, sloppy, hungry mouth, yearning cock, aching pussy, slurping tongue, moaning, anything goes, mess making, sticky, who-the-hell-cares, mind bending multiple climax sex.

(Yes, that's the extent of the adult content...or is it?)

You don't have to pick just one.  Hell, I picked them all.  What about you?

Yes, for me it was both PAIN and HUNGER that finally drove me to figuring this stuff out.  Guy stuff.

Stuff about how you can move yourself, your mind, and your heart into a totally different place.  A healthy confident place where you can properly manage the PAIN and HUNGER I described above.

One clue that you might be ready for some work is when you're reading a website and can't decide what article to click on. 

One is titled, "Getting Your Wife to LOVE YOU Again in 21 Days".

The other is titled, "How Well Do You REALLY Know the Clitoris?"  (I actually read that one with my girlfriend and we both learned something)

If, "Son-of-a-bitch, which one should I read first?!?!" is your thought process, I'm telling you now, you are ready for some work. 

You are in PAIN and you are HUNGRY.

This is the kind of work that must be done seriously and with commitment.

I do not care if you do that work with me or not.  Really.  Just tell me you're working with somebody.

Just make a commitment to yourself to start moving forward.  Choose to believe that you probably aren't perfect and the solutions to your PAIN and HUNGER DO NOT lie in other people's hands.

I'm serious.  I want this for you - for the remainder of your life.  You'll never look back.

A recent client sent me an email a few weeks ago to tell me about how it's going for him.  (No, this is NOT a fabricated testimonial story - I hate those) 

I helped him navigate a very difficult divorce, emotional issues with his children, ex-wife wanting him back - in the court room!, entering the dating scene, and building confidence and competence in the bedroom.

He told me that the only reason he hired me was because I was credible.  He judged that by the fact I didn't have a miracle, turn-around, marriage recovery story.  I'm divorced.  Sometimes, that is the best solution  That'll probably LOSE me some credibility with others, but that's out of my hands.

He carried himself as the most honorable man I could imagine.  He was a strong, caring father for his kids.  His friends, parents, and even his lawyer were amazed at his grace and maturity.  None of this came easy.  He stumbled, worried, over-reacted, and stressed out along the way.  But he did (and is still doing) the WORK.  We spent 8 weeks together - joined at the hip by Skype and email.

His last email was titled "You'll never believe this".  I won't even go into his description of a date with a woman he met who is also doing work of her own.  They connected in ways he could never imagine. 

My little gratuitous R-rated rant earlier would not have done justice to the email he sent.

Guess what?

While he admitted that the sex was everything he ever imagined it could be, he told me he knew that wasn't the goal.  He said that he had no intention at all in the night ending that way.  He could have spent the evening just talking with this amazing woman.   

Later she told him the same thing.  She was just SO attracted to this confident, engaged, curious, open guy that she couldn't stop herself.

He is work in progress.  Like me - like you - he will screw up again.  None of us is ever perfect.   But understanding how to self-correct and stay on course is the key.

Building trusting relationships with other men of THIS KIND OF VALUE is the secret to getting there.