When I say, "lighten up", I'm talking about TWO key ways you can "lighten up" and create more trust, safety and intimacy in your relationship.

The first way is to lighten your mood and your energy in your relationship.  

It's no secret that if your mood is consistently serious, dark, angry, pessimistic, agitated, disappointed or critical NOBODY (not even the dog) will have any interest in being around you.

A light mood and energy is inherently trustable.  

It generates feelings of emotional safety. You become incredibly approachable.  Your mood comes from a personal sense of confidence and well-being.  And, it's easy to hug someone whose mood is light and energy is playful.

In it's simplest form, a "light mood" is an approving smile, an amused perspective, a kind word or gentle response.

Now, if you decide that your mood is "naturally dark and disapproving", that's okay.  But with that decision comes the required acceptance that the rest of the world - including your wife - will naturally resist any kind of closeness to you.  We get what we give.  It's that simple.

Many men find their mood and energy will lighten quickly when they begin taking better care of themselves.  This includes exercise, exploring nature, learning a new skill, spending time with quality friends, laughing and connecting with a bigger mission or purpose.  

Think about it.  Where can you take one small step toward lightening your mood and your energy?  How would that feel for you?  And who would also benefit by your lighter mood?  How might it build more trust, safety and closeness in your relationship?

Let's talk about the second way to lighten up.

Many guys do pretty well with maintaining a light mood and positive energy.  Especially with non-family members, we can be quite charming, approachable and endearing. (this was me)  We're aware of how we speak and how we respond.  We know how to make people feel safe...and like us.

But, we tend to lose this ability in the context of our romantic, intimate relationship.

The second way to lighten up is to learn how to lighten your manner and your approach in your relationship.

This has to do with how you respond to her questions and bids for attention and connection.

It has to do with how you ask her for attention and connection.

And it has everything to do with lightness of your thinking and your regard for who she is and how she is.

I'm going to ask my old horse, Chief, to help me explain this.  So, let's go to the barn for this video.