Wife Wants A Divorce Because She Says You're Controlling?

Published: Sat, 02/21/26

Updated: Sat, 02/21/26

Hey brother,

When it comes to the things you really, really want are you "outcome dependent"?

Outcome dependence is the number one cause of unbridled neediness.

And neediness almost always leads to excessively controlling behavior.

In your relationships, controlling behavior is a death sentence.

Outcome dependence is not to be confused with being "goal oriented". Many of us dudes have tried to defend ourselves by claiming, "Well, I'm a goal setter and I like to make things happen. Whats wrong with having goals?!"

There's a big difference between making personal or business goals happen and making someone else like us, love us, touch us or want to be with us.

A man's secret fear of divorce is one example of outcome dependence. It's not just that he desires a long, healthy, happy marriage...he absolutely, positively requires it.

There are no other options. His very life and well-being depend on it. And because of this dependence he will do anything to control the outcome.

The problem is that we can't control an outcome without trying to control every person involved in that outcome.

I made this video to give you another way to think about "outcome dependence" and how you can stop trying to control other and increase your own self-respect.

Wife Wants A Divorce Because She Says You're Controlling?

The fastest way to drop neediness and instantly become more attractive is to learn how to drop your desire to control others.

When great men first see the wisdom in this they say things like:

"I now get nauseated to watch myself show up as a needy guy. I'm starting to catch myself before I try to control someone else."

Here's the cold, hard truth.

Arguing about stupid things is controlling.
Over-explaining yourself is controlling.
Excessive care-taking of others is controlling.
Stonewalling is controlling.
Defensiveness is controlling.
Criticism is controlling.
Yelling and throwing shit is controlling.
Needing to be right is controlling.
And always "having a point to make" is controlling.

Your homework for this week is to see if you can catch yourself being controlling.

Then ask yourself, "What outcome do I depend on that is making me behave this way?"

Then ask yourself, "Who do I get to be if I let go of my dependence on that outcome?"

I'm interested to hear about what you see.

Hit reply to this email and let me know how you're doing.

I want you to feel the power of outcome independence and the release of the anxiety that comes with trying to control others.

Want to get started getting better at this stuff with us straight away?

Apply for a free coaching call with us - in one 90 minute call, we will help you get clear about what to stop doing that's contributing to the current state of your marriage and what to start doing to improve things right away.

What You'll Actually Get From a Call With Us

Watch the short video above to understand what you get from a free coaching call with us.

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

P.S. We are NOW taking deposits for the incredible and famous Confident Man Ranch Retreat in May, 2026. This powerful experience may very well drastically improve the next 10 years of your life.

Why "famous"? Here is the GQ article that tells you all about it.

************

Please know you are always in control of your subscription to this newsletter and the use of your email address. You signed yourself up and you can “unsign” yourself anytime you please by clicking the “Unsubscribe” link at the bottom of this email. I will always respect your privacy and personal data. You may email me directly if you ever have any questions or concerns about the use of your personal information.

Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options