Here are the two ways of handling these arguments that will immediately cause even more harm than the argument itself.
1. Build an iron clad case of logic and historical evidence to prove that
you are right and she is not only wrong, she's most likely crazy and irresponsible. If it happens at 8pm, try to drag out your defense until 10pm with a disgusted look on your face.
2. Go totally silent. Stew in your anger and assume she is making a personal attack on your manhood and quite possibly your penis
size. Disappear for the evening and have an exhaustive conversation in your head where you have all the "perfect comebacks". Go to bed mad and ignore her.
I'm allowed to call you out on this stuff because...remember...I've earned a PhD in this stuff.
Both of those options have a 100% success rate in making matters worse, creating more distance, less attraction, less trust and less respect.
Both options also have a 100% success rate in making you feel horrible,
giving you a knot in your gut, causing a loss of sleep and making you wish you could have a "do-over."
Part of our coaching helps men have their "do-over".
This is a powerful exercise of imagining yourself in a much more confident skin.
When you have your "do-over" from a clear, confident, calm place you are RESPONDING instead of REACTING.
You feel proud of who you are being and the situational awareness you have. It's like watching it in slow motion. You don't feel threatened.
You're more curious and amused with yourself for almost taking the bait and implementing one of those bad
options.
You breathe more deeply. You relax.
HOW do you do this?
It's not a "how" question. It's not about technique or tactics.
It's a "why" question. It's about principles and values.
Why does one man respond and another man react?
Because the man who responds has a totally different perspective.
It's liberating. It's the best form of freedom...emotional freedom.
