How do you get into a mindset where you don’t go into a downward spiral of feeling rejected and pouting and getting angry and resentful?
Because we all
know that if you do that, it does nothing to turn a woman on.
One of those things I’d like you to change is to understand that every time she says, “we’ll see”, “maybe later”, “I’m tired”, “I don’t know” or “we’ve got so much to do”, that’s not a “no”.
When she says, “I don’t know”, “we’ll see”, “maybe later” or “I’m tired”, what she might be saying is:
“I would love to feel alive again”
“I would love to feel sexual”
“I would love to feel that feminine sexy blood running through my veins”
“I would love to feel attracted and desirable”
“I would love all of that”
But right now what she’s telling you is “I don’t feel all of that”.
Doesn’t that sound better than “No” or “we’ll see” or “maybe later”.
We start projecting our thoughts onto her, that she’s not sexual, that she doesn’t like you and she doesn’t want you.
But what if they’re not true?
I’m telling you that they’re normally NOT true.
That little boy chatter that “she doesn’t like me” and “I’m not attractive” and “she doesn’t like
sex” is a bunch of crap!
The truth with all of us is that when we want to say “maybe” or “I don’t know”, it’s because we’re not convinced that we are that kind of person ourselves.
We’re not convinced that we feel sexy.
We’re not convinced that we are attractive.
We’ve got into this mindset of not really knowing what we want.
So give her the benefit of the doubt.
Giver her the
benefit of the doubt that she does actually want to be sexual, that she does want to feel alive, that she wants to feel the blood pumping through her veins as an attractive and desirable, sexy woman.
That’s still her.
What if part of her feeling alive and sexy again is you believing in her like that again?
A lot of us guys, when you get 10 or 15 years into marriage, start approaching intimacy as something to win, like it’s a
carnival game and you think all the planets have to align and you’re treading on eggshells.
You have this really tentative, really unconfident feeling about yourself. You’re almost expecting to get a no, so as soon as she says “maybe later” you roll your eyes and give up.
I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to give up.
I want you to know that you ARE an attractive, desirable, sexy man.
If you don’t believe that you are a man of sexual value - that you have gifts of affection and desire and trustability and an innate masculine energy that IS valuable - if you don’t believe that, then I can guarantee you that you’ll get rejected time after time.
The reason she was so attracted to you in the beginning, is because you had a sense of self-confidence, a sense of value, you weren’t overly invested in the outcome of her saying yes or no. And that was very attractive.
But when you get 15 or 20 years into marriage, you lose that mojo and you start seeing the act of sex as the one thing that makes you feel better about you.
So what I want you to KNOW that you are a sexual man who is already OK and who has value that you love to share.
Know that it’s OK to feel sexual and sexy and turned on in your body and communicate that to her comfortably, without apology for being that way.
But without projecting the obligation on her to
reciprocate it and to make you feel good.
All you need to do is share your inherent value. Your inherent mojo. Your inherent feeling of well-being and sexuality and invite her.
Then invite her again.
If you get an “I don’t know”, “we’ll see”, “maybe later” or “I’m tired”…smile, be playful, don't let that stop you from seeing the sexual feminine woman inside her that she's currently
disconnected from.
Don’t runaway hurt. Don’t get mad. Don’t get resentful.
Stay in that positive, confident mode of mojo that you remember you had in
the very beginning.
This is an important mental and emotional shift we need to make when it comes to sex and intimacy.
As important as sex and intimacy are to a
healthy, happy relationship, they are not the source of our confidence, happiness and masculine value.
But we often forget this and start acting in needy ways that only sabotage the trust, connection and attraction needed for intimacy.
Our ability to create trust, connection and attraction requires we show up with confidence, happiness and an awareness of our value.
If you’re not currently showing up - consistently - with a strong
sense of confidence, happiness and personal value, you’ve got some work to do.
This is the work men do only with other men. Dan and I have committed our lives to it and to you.
If you're ready to start confidently leading the sexual connection again then let's talk...
