In the context of men working on themselves to create better lives and better relationships, there is a danger of constantly thinking, "Am I there yet?"
Along with that are the thoughts:
Does anyone notice how much I've done or how hard I've worked?
When is
somebody going to worry about MY needs?
Why won't she work as hard as I am on this stuff?
Why aren't we having more of everything as I expected would
happen?
What else should I be doing?!
After EVERYTHING I've read and everything I've changed, why don't I feel AWESOMER?
A good friend of mine is dating a woman who claims to be suffering from her last relationship. She got dumped by a guy and she claims to have some trauma related to that.
She's a full-time yoga teacher,
meditator, mentor, mushroom voyager, voracious reader and dedicated "breath worker".
And when my buddy told me about all of the drama, uncertainty, ambivalence and anxiety she was having with the idea of committing to a deeper relationship, he joked,
"Jeez, with all that breath work you'd think she'd be a little farther along!"
She's like a lot of the men who first come into the GG2GM community and start "doing the work".
She believes that by pouring on MORE WORK she will eventually unscramble her monkey mind and start to feel clear and normal again.
You know what is more powerful than doing MORE WORK...more sustainable than reading more books...more effective than struggling through another agonizing marriage counseling
session?
Doing nothing at all...that's what!
Why is this true?
Because for most people, all of that "work" is keeping you from being who you really are.
You're not a drama filled, anxious, indecisive man. You just THINK you are. So stop trying so
hard.
Stop "working" so hard.
Stop distracting yourself with activity that is keeping you from simply sitting quietly, calmly, and peacefully saying out loud..."You know
what? I'm actually okay. She's okay. We're going to be okay."
Why does that help?
Because it's true.
It's time to give yourself some grace, some space, some patience, some humor and some fun.
You're not broken, so just stop trying to fix yourself.
Stop trying to manipulate and control future outcomes over which you have no control.
When you stop working so hard, you finally start thinking more clearly, speaking your truth more boldly
and taking courageous actions you've been afraid of.
It's THIS stuff that actually changes your life.
This is a life skill. It's what we teach men who are ready to do just enough work to learn the truth about themselves, their marriage and their future.
If you're ready to learn this stuff before another decade passes then let's talk...
