Social media isn’t actually ruining your relationship.
It’s subtly training you.
Training you to live in reaction.
Training you to outsource your thinking.
Training you to consume instead of create.
Training you to feel powerless while convincing you you’re “learning.”
The algorithm doesn’t care about your marriage. It doesn’t care about your sex life. It doesn’t
care about your peace of mind. It cares about attention.
And attention is easiest to capture through fear, outrage, certainty, and blame.
So if you keep clicking content that says women are like this, relationships always end like that, you’re getting screwed, you’re losing ground, the algorithm will happily agree with you and feed you more of the same.
Not because it’s true...but because it keeps
you paying attention to it!
And then you walk back into your house carrying that energy, not the energy that is really you, but the energy that the algorithm gave you.
And your wife
feels it immediately.
When you are feeling tense, suspicious, withdrawn, or edgy, she can't help but take a step away from that energy (often by going on her phone!)
See the
self fulfilling cycle here?
The problem is rarely the phone itself.
The problem is why it bothers you.
Because underneath the frustration is usually fear.
Fear of losing connection.
Fear of losing desire.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear that intimacy is slipping through your fingers and you don’t know how to get it back.
So the mind grabs onto the easiest explanation:
“It’s the phone.”
“It’s social media.”
“It’s what "she’s" doing.”
But you can't create intimacy by controlling someone. That never works.
What actually creates intimacy is connection.
And connection only happens when you are confident enough to stay present even when you're feeling some discomfort.
That’s why knowing whether you're currently in the consumer mode or the creator mode is so important.
Consumer mode
is...
Scrolling.
Watching.
Reacting.
Outraging.
Bingeing content.
Calling it “learning.”
And consumer mode slowly drains you of energy, motivation and direction even if it looks harmless on the surface.
Creator mode is different.
Creator mode is initiating.
Planning.
Touching.
Speaking.
Leading.
Designing moments.
Solving real problems.
Creating meaning.
Bringing something alive into the space.
Attraction grows in creator mode.
Trust grows in creator mode.
Sexual tension grows in creator
mode.
And it's not because you’re "trying" harder, instead it's because you are living in the real world more, you're actually more alive!
This is why digital
“connection” is such a convincing illusion.
Watching TV together. Sharing reels. Laughing at clips in the same room...feels like togetherness, but often it’s really just mutual avoidance of the responsibility to create what you want.
No eye contact.
No touch.
No spontaneity.
No unpredictability.
No polarity.
Men don’t lose their edge because "women change". They lose it because they stop creating.
And the social media dopamine trap makes that so, so easy.
You get the hit.
You get the laugh.
You get the stimulation.
Then you look up and realize hours have gone by and nothing meaningful was created.
And then we feel empty and blame that on the other person not creating what we want for
us!
Men need purpose.
Men need direction.
Men need problems worth solving.
Social media offers stimulation without meaning.
And meaning always wins in the long run.
So stop reacting to life and start creating it.
What you want more than the dopamine hit?
And if you can't answer that question,
choose one of the options below and we'll help you know what your answer is:
