What's Going On In A Woman's Mind When She Says She Needs Space

Published: Tue, 05/27/25

Updated: Tue, 05/27/25

Hey brother,

Have you ever been told, "I need space!"?

This phrase is also disguised as:

I don't feel connected to you
I'm not sexually attracted to you
I feel smothered
I don't know who I am anymore
I need to take care of me
I think we need a break and...
I love you...but I'm just not IN LOVE with you anymore

Let's break this down in very simple terms. It needs to be simple because the intensity of your emotions when you hear these things can rattle you to the core. It puts your brain into overdrive which creates immediate OVERWHELM in your central nervous system.

We would love to believe that the quote in the image above is the simple explanation. "Give me space so I can love me so I can love you better."

Sometimes it is! But most times it's much more complicated than that.

Some people believe if anyone ever uses the phrase, "I need space" it means they are already cheating and sleeping with someone else.

Sometimes it does. But most times it's much more complicated than that.

Do you want to know what "more complicated" might sound like inside the head and heart of your wife when she says, "I need space!"?

It sounds more like this. Read this as fast and frantically as you can to get the real gist of it.

"I feel like I'm about to explode because I feel so much anxiety in my body and my thoughts are all over the place and I can't focus and I feel like I'll never figure out who I am because I've never felt good enough and everyone seems so disappointed in me and I just can't relax because I feel like everyone needs me to take care of them...and all my sweaters are snagged...and I feel like I can't exhale because of the weight of being a mother, wife, caretaker and employee sits on my chest 24/7 and I'm not sleeping because my body aches and that pisses me off!...and YOU don't seem to understand ANY of this and if you do, well, it seems you don't really have any compassion because you're so concerned about how MY feelings are making you feel and all I feel from you is disappointment and a 24/7 pressure to FIX ME so you can finally feel better but I just want you to back away and love me how I am right now and be a partner who quietly gets me, accepts me and helps me...and...and...I don't know anymore...you don't care anyway."

Yeah. I know. Complicated.

What the hell are you supposed to do about THAT?!

In this video, I answer that question...

What's Going On In A Woman's Mind When She Says She Needs Space

Here's the most important thing to know about her - or ANYONE - wanting space.

It's not about you. This isn't something she is doing TO YOU. She is doing it FOR HERSELF.

I know. It feels intensely personal. It feels threatening.

Your world as you know it is being rocked.

And everything you thought you knew about her, your marriage, yourself and your future is now officially in the UNDECIDED category.

And this UNCERTAINTY twists your guts into knots.

The twists in your guts are actually the intense discomfort of your loss of control.

And this discomfort is rooted in FEAR. Fear of the unknown. And fear that you just might actually be a horrible douche bag who totally screwed up his marriage and will end up as a lonely old man with a tattoo that says, "FAILURE" on your forehead.

Am I getting warm?

If you're reading this and getting a little uncomfortable...or a LOT uncomfortable, then we want to help you today...

Fill out our contact form for a free, no strings, personalized coaching session to help you slow down and refocus on what is really important right now.

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What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?

We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know worrying whether your wife wants to leave your marriage is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life

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As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

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