How To Hold Women Accountable In A Failing Marriage

Published: Wed, 04/30/25

Updated: Wed, 04/30/25

Hey brother,

Here's a challenge I hear from men who are fed up with feeling like everything is up to them...nearly word for word.

"You guys never hold women accountable. Why is everything on men? I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one working on the relationship?

Here's the bitter, ugly truth.

If your relationship has decayed to the point where you're reaching out for MY help, you're past the point of "working on your relationship".

What's that mean, exactly?

It means you're past the point of having effective, loving conversations.

You're past the point of "working together" on your relationship.

You're past the point of trying to pull in the same direction and take equal responsibility.

This means you're probably past the point of effectively using marriage counseling because she's already moving in the opposite direction from you and the marriage.

I realize how comforting and nice it would be if you could just "talk reasonably" with each other and work out the problems.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

Why?

Because the "problem" is that you two have evolved into being the kind of people who can't possibly find connection again...that is...until you become different people.

There it is.

You BOTH have to change FIRST before any other common marriage remedies can help.

And since you don't stand a chance of changing her (or anyone else for that matter), you're left with the choice to change yourself.

Change the way you THINK about what's really happening.

Change your the way you FEEL about all of the injustices and grievances you've gathered along the way.

When you do that, you will have to change your CORE VALUES around what it means to be a grown ass man.

All of that might sound "hard". It's not.

It's infinitely EASIER than what you've been trying so far.

When you regain your innate sense of strength, confidence and happiness again, you going to see the old you as a bit of a brat. (well, that's what happened to me, anyway)

Watch this video for a little more depth into what it means to be a grown ass man and take responsibility for the things YOU control.

How To Hold Women Accountable In A Failing Marriage

How to Defuse the Bomb in Your Friggin' Chest!

That's right. The "bomb" is inside of you.

It's a crisis of fear. It's the twinge of shame. It's the anxiety of uncertainty.

At this point in the game, you don't know what you don't know.

It feels clumsy, awkward and embarrassing to admit that we don't know what to do or how to be.

So we try to please. Then we try to fight. Then we try to beg. Then we walk on eggshells...and then we try to please some more.

If you want to feel more consciously aware and deliberate in what you're thinking, what you're saying and HOW YOU'RE ACTING...you need to learn some things pop never told you.

They don't tell us this stuff in school.

Your wife can't explain it.

And most marriage counselors are afraid to tell the truth.

Famous marriage counselor, John Gottman, found that, "If heterosexual men in relationships don’t accept their partner’s influence, there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode.

Let me put this in plain language.

Specifically, the research showed that if WE (us dudes) have a low sense of emotional self-confidence, we will RESIST EVERYTHING she throws at us.

Emotional self-confidence is linked to emotional intelligence.

No, we're not stupid.

We have simply been raised to value conflict, competition and rationality more then reading what's really going on here.

That's why we always defend ourselves.

That's why we always try to be "right" and get the last word.

That's why we sometimes "stonewall" when we feel out-gunned in the emotional world of words and feelings.

And, that's why we try to REASON (aka. yak, yak, yak) our way out of emotionally stressful interactions.

Accepting your wife's influence simply means you must learn to understand and have compassion for what she's saying and why.

This is learnable.

You can learn to accept that her emotional reality is not insanity and that what she is feeling actually DOES require your attention. And, it's not always about you!

You only need to believe that she actually has a point...you just don't get that point...yet.

Do you want to get it?

Do you want your next 5 years to go smoother than the last 5 years?!

Of course you do. So here are some options you can take to start today:

$149 One-Time Payment: The Goodguy2Greatmen 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage - if you need an instant change in your life and relationship Dan and I created our most powerful short course to help you start feeling more calm and confident and to know what actions to take to start changing your circumstances.

Free: If you're serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.

What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?

We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know dealing with a lack of respect, kindness and basic communication in your marriage is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 6 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?

$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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