How To Want Love And Affection Without Needing It

Published: Thu, 08/28/25

Updated: Thu, 08/28/25

Hey brother,

First, I want to invite you to our next group coaching call TODAY, Thursday 28th August at 12pm mountain time.

We're going to talk about the disgusting taste of RESENTMENT and how to stop allowing it to linger on your tongue and taint all the interactions in your relationships.

What resentments are YOU struggling with specifically?

What nasty, ugly thoughts do you have in your head about her?

What if you could choose to do the OPPOSITE of resenting...and what would THAT look like?

What simply CANNOT HAPPEN for you if you hold onto resentment?

This is going to be a great conversation! If you're looking for a new mindset to keep moving forward, you'll love this Roundtable session!

If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men's Roundtable here.
(You'll also gain access to 6 years of recorded previous group coaching sessions and our private Facebook community).

Now onto today's newsletter...

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This probably the MOST COMMON QUESTION we get in our community.

You will recognize it because I know YOU have asked this question - at least in your own head.

Hell, I've asked myself this question in a variety of ways over the years.

Here's the question exactly as it appeared today in one of our group chats.

"Just a question to satisfy myself. I hear a lot in this group : do not be seeking approval , do not be looking for validation from your Partner.

But really isn't that what every person in the world wants? Don't we all want to be loved? And isn't that what love is supposed to do? And isn't that what we try to do with our wives? Make them feel loved and adored? Isn't that what relationships are for?

If we don't get approval from our partner what is the point of the relationship if we can't give that and receive that?

Or are we all supposed to believe Def Leppard ...'Love bites'?"

If I start typing an answer now, I may never stop.

There's so much to say, I'm going to go straight to video.

Here are 7 minutes of man-to-man coaching on this subject.

This is what your dad, uncle or grandfather may not have told you.

How To Want Love And Affection Without Needing It

Bottom Line: No, it's not wrong to want to be loved.

But as I always say, there is a HEALTHY way and an UNHEALTHY way to express your desire for love and intimacy.

There is a SECURE way and an INSECURE way to show up in a relationship.

There is a MATURE approach and an IMMATURE approach to getting what you want from your life and ALL your relationships.

Some people believe that two people should learn to soothe, nurture and support each other's wounds and insecurities.

I would agree! That is a hallmark of two loving, conscious and emotional mature people.

But if a man is constantly feeling resentful, angry and/or dissatisfied in his marriage, there's a good chance he has work to do on the loving, conscious and mature part of himself.

It changes your daily attitude about your relationship.

It changes your perspective on what a healthy marriage is.

It gives you confidence and compassion when things aren't going perfectly.

Becoming more loving, conscious and mature will quickly change your whole life.

This is what we do for men.

It's what we love to do 24/7. It's all we think about.

And we're really good at it.

There is a reason most men tell us that a one-hour phone call with us gave them more insight and actionable guidance than a year of therapy.

I want you to experience this.

I want you to explore what "personal growth" really means for a man like you.

And I want YOU to want that.

We've created a number of ways to teach you the tools and give you the support you need to transform your THINKING and start KNOWING how you want to respond to any situation:

$149 One-Time Payment: The Goodguy2Greatmen 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage - if you need an instant change in your life and relationship Dan and I created our most powerful short course to help you start feeling more calm and confident and to know what actions to take to start changing your circumstances.

Free: If you're serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.

What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?

We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know a lack of warmth, kindness and affection in your marriage is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 6 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?

$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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