Brace
yourself. Almost every man I know does this sometimes. Me too.
It's
important for you to know about the following ways we can speak that dilutes sexual polarity and often pisses women off.
This
problem is so common mostly because you've been taught to be "nice". You think that being uncommitted is the same as "flexible". You think by not having an opinion, that she'll get to have her way and be happy with you. And you may think that if you sound too sure of yourself everyone will think you're an uncooperative asshole.
Not
true, my brother.
Here
are some clues to the weak language causing the problem.
-
Umm,
I don't really know what I think about that... (clueless)
-
I
was just.. (never start a sentence with that one)
-
Does
that makes sense?? (approval seeking)
-
I
would just add to that... (I'm not confident in my opinion)
-
Whatever
you want is fine. (Can't make a decision)
-
What
do you want to do tonight? (I have no opinion)
-
This
might not make any sense, but I think.... (self defeating)
-
Whatever...
(disconnected...or stoned)
-
How
was I supposed to know? (victimized and defensive)
I
stepped right into this the other night when my sweetie said, are we going to drive up to see the fireworks?
And
I said,
"Whatever,
I kinda forgot about it...do you wanna go?"
Ugh.
What I REALLY wanted to say and finally said was,
"Hell
yes, let's do it. We haven't had fireworks for 3 years up here. I'll grab a cooler and a blanket. You grab the drink you want. It'll be fun to get out for a change."
A
SMILE beamed across her face. That's when I knew.
That's
the big AH-HA!
She
likes it when I have an opinion. She likes it when I'm clear and engaged. She likes it when I'm excited about something. And, she likes it when I have a plan.
Stupid,
stupid, stupid!
Why
do I sometimes forget this? Why do I get lazy?
It's
such a simple solution.
When
I'm awake, engaged, thinking, planning and leading...our relationship feels really good. Everything is easy. Everything.
And
when I'm not...it's not.
Can
I be any more clear? I just need a periodic kick in the butt sometimes.
I
feel so much stronger, relaxed and confident when I pay attention to this dynamic.
And
when I don't pay attention, the wheels start to come off.
This
is when women will often push, prod and TEST us. It's usually when we're least prepared but when it's most needed. It seems unfair until we realize it's all part of the process.
She
doesn't think I'm lazy.
She
just FEELS better about us when I'm more engaged.
In
this video I introduce
TWO
TYPES OF TESTS you may experience and how to pass them with flying colors.
