A word of caution about wanting her to stay. Listen closely...
If your burning desire is for her to stay with you...to just make it like it was before...or to take away your fear of being rejected and left all alone, you're probably going to end up
divorced.
Why?
Because that's part of what most wives are "done with" too.
If the moment she says, "Okay, I'm staying." you breathe a huge sigh of relief, grab a beer, ask her for sex and then grab a tee time for Sunday...you've missed the point.
I want YOU to be done too.
I want you to be done with your marriage the way it was.
Marriage 1.0
needs a serious upgrade. Version 2.0 is essential and it can't be delayed another year in testing.
This means Version 2.0 of YOU must be your top priority.
This does NOT mean you must become a flailing white knight who falls over himself each hour checking in with her to see how can serve her Highness. (She's done with that crap too, by the way.)
Version 2.0 of you has new expectations of himself and how he shows up.
* He's not an angry, over-reacting guy anymore.
* He's not secretly pissed off and afraid of
her.
* He's not distracting himself with lazy, unproductive habits.
* He is available, engaged and responsive to her without neediness.
* He has a new sense of mission...self of self...and clarity about HOW he wants to be.
And he doesn't waste time talking about it! (She's done with that too, by the way)
Version 2.0 of your relationship will require BOTH of you to upgrade your
skills, your thinking and your habits.
You get to go first. Why? Because. That's why.
Men go first
because they choose to, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
Period. (And, she's done with going first, by the way)
Tomorrow, I want you to try something new.
If you relate to this email, it means time is wasting.
Simple
rules. Tomorrow is "remove all pressure" day.
1. Don't ask any questions about the relationship.
2. Don't argue about ANY stupid stuff.
3. Pay attention, really pay attention, when she is talking to you. Allow silence when she paused and wait for more. Listen. Don't analyze or fix a damn
thing.
4. Find something that makes you laugh...I mean really makes you laugh. (this is important)
Do this the second day and then the third day.
Then shoot me an email to tell me if you did it and how you felt. (we don't care if it "worked" or not). This is an accountability step.
Most men are not accountable to anyone for being better.
Most men are lone rangers in their relationships and have ZERO deep, meaningful and productive conversations
with other smart men.
Most men are getting divorced simply because they don't know HOW to make the effort needed to stay married and create a better relationship.
Do you want to know
more?
