My name is Mark Drezga and along with fellow GG2GM coach, Garrett Prettyman; we developed the Vital Formula to Masculine Confidence Course. to help men become powerful leaders in all aspects of their lives.
I want to talk today about the myth of "more" as a solution to life's challenges.
Everywhere you look, you see messages about:
- Getting more
money
- Getting more sex
- Getting more love
- Getting more clients
- Getting more respect
More, more, more and more!
It's a great sales tactic!
It hits people
right where they feel it most.
It hits them EMOTIONALLY.
I mean everybody wants more right?
But what exactly are you trying to get more of?
You Will Never Have Enough Of What You Don't Need
"Nice guys" are notorious for falling for the trap of more.
They constantly reach out wanting more of this and more of that.
Their lives are examples of lack and not ever having enough.
They beg, they pander and they placate and when they don't get what they want, they just try
harder!
They DO more.
The most innocuous (but equally damaging) of these habits is talking too
much.
In the excellent film "Dead Man", Johnny Depp plays the character William Blake.
Early on he meets a wanderer.
Here is one of their first interactions:
William Blake: "What is your name?"
Nobody: "My name is Nobody."
William Blake: "Excuse me?"
Nobody: "My name is Exaybachay (he who talks loud says
nothing)."
William Blake: "He who talks... I thought you said your name was Nobody?"
Nobody: "I prefer to be called Nobody."
"He Who Talks Loud, Says Nothing"
Do you talk too much brother?
Or do you only speak when you have something to say?
Do you feel pressure to break moments of silence?
Or can you listen to understand?
As a recovering Nice Guy, I can relate to the unconscious habit of talking for the sake of it.
It speaks volumes about how insecure anxious men operate.
In a quest to never be found without an answer, Nice Guys speak when there is nothing to be said and assume that saying something is better than saying nothing.
They avoid uncomfortable silence by filling it in with noise.
They do it because it is a reflection of their own state of mind.
Their minds are full of noise and they don’t even realize when it leaks out of their mouths.
This is so frustrating for women!
When she feels panic or anxiety, she wants nothing more than someone to vent to.
Someone who can bring calm to the mix.
More noise
doesn't help.
Doing More Only Adds "Noise" To The Relationship
This approach of "more" extends to actions as well.
Instead of just sitting with his partner and allowing her space, an anxious man will leap to his feet and try fix things.
He doesn't know exactly how or what he is fixing, but that doesn't stop him doing it anyway.
We work with men that are natural "fixers" all of the time.
We know exactly what makes you tick because we love to fix things to!
Your problem-solving tendencies are not a bad thing.
They're actually incredibly helpful.
They're why you're good at your
job and why you have achieved everything that you have.
It only becomes a problem when you go searching and creating problems to solve.
That is self-sabotage and something ALL
"Nice Guys" are guilty of.
A calm, observant and powerful man has no need to fill silence with words or "do" things simply for the sake of it.
He can be in the moment which means if he has nothing to say, he says nothing... And when he does have something to say, he says it.
I know this is overly simplified.
But how many times have you tried to hold your tongue when you wanted to speak your truth...and couldn't!
Instead of keeping quiet, you complained or defended yourself instead.
Every man wants to be respected and have people acknowledge the importance of his words.
This can only happen when you are more discerning about WHEN to use to use your words.
When you stop speaking and listen attentively, it is a sign of respect.
You can only HAVE respect when you can SHOW respect to others first.
How You Can Learn
To Be Ok (Even When She Isn't)
Garrett and I will guide you on the path to becoming a powerful and deliberate masculine man.
We will help you shut up and "do less" to be more impactful and build deeper connections than you ever have before.
We are looking for 8 men who are serious about making huge strides in their masculine development.
