When your wife doesn't check in or needs space it can feel
like panic shooting up your spine. That pain feels more intense for some men than others. There is a reason. Some men have formed an abandonment "mother wound" complex. And your wife's withdrawal? It's activating the wound inside you. Here's a story to help you understand how this wound forms and what to do about it.
Jason Learns To Tread Softly Around His
Mom
Jason is 9.
He walks into the kitchen holding a Lego castle he’s been building for days.
His chest is tight, his heart proud.
“Mom, look what I made,” he says.
She’s kneeling beside his younger brother, wiping jelly off his shirt and trying to soothe a tantrum.
She doesn’t
look up.
“That’s nice, honey. Go put it in your room.”
He hesitates. “Do you wanna see it?”
Her shoulders drop.
She lets out a frustrated breath.
“Jason, I’m busy right now. Not everything is about you, okay?”
He nods.
“Okay,” he says, voice flat.
He walks into his room and sets the castle on his dresser...Stares at it for a second, then lays on his bed without a sound.
That moment seems trivial, but it’s not.
That’s the day Jason formed an abandonment "mother wound" complex.
He learns not to need too much.
Not to speak too
loud.
Not to expect warmth, attention, or someone who sees him.
After that day, he starts showing up as the “easy” kid.
The one who doesn't cause trouble.
The one who doesn’t ask for much because he doesn't want to feel brushed off again..
Years later, he becomes the man who attracts emotionally unavailable women.
Why?
Because it feels familiar.
Your "Abandonment Wound" Isn't Your Mom's Fault
Jason’s mom isn’t trying to cause emotional damage.
She’s just tired. Distracted. Busy.
Doing the best she can.
But as children, we interpret everything as something about us.
If she’s unavailable, we assume we’re unimportant.
If she’s distant, we assume we’ve done something wrong.
The wound doesn’t form because she’s malicious, it forms because we’re too young to separate her struggle from our worth.
And now, as adults, it’s our
responsibility to recognize that wound so we don't keep acting like a little boy in our relationships.
How Jason's "Abandonment Wound" Affects His Marriage
Today, Jason is 12 years into marriage.
His wife says, “I need space,” and something tightens in his chest.
She’s quiet for a day, and he spirals.
She’s frustrated, and he feels like a little boy again who nobody wants to acknowledge.
When Jason’s wife disengages, he feels invisible, unwanted, and unsure of what he did wrong.
That’s the abandonment "mother wound" complex he's feeling, not her actions.
It doesn’t always come from a mom who abandons her family.
It can come from a mom who’s there, but emotionally distracted.
Your wife senses it, even if she can’t quite put her finger on it.
She has no breathing room in the relationship.
The constant pressure of your feelings smothers her.
Her spark for you fades when she can’t escape the flood of your need for reassurance.
How To Stop Making Things Worse When Your Wife Pulls Back
Your wife isn’t responsible for healing the triggers you carry.
Reassurance from your wife or mom won't fix anything.
The area for growth is learning to stand in your own center.
That means validating your sense of well-being, worth, and desirability INSIDE you instead of seeking it OUTSIDE you.
This kind of man feels pain without folding, reacting, or taking it personally.
He leads without strings attached, even when she pulls away.
That’s the work we do inside The Vital Formula to Masculine Confidence Course.
We teach you how to rewrite your INTERNAL script.
We are looking for 8 men who are serious about having a strong INTERNAL masculine frame.
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