1. Great Sex is More Than Just Sex.
We often hear it said that men want sex and women want intimacy. But the truth is that both of us want both.
It's just that men tend to believe that sex will lead to the kind of intimacy we want and women tend to believe that intimacy will lead to the kind of sex they want.
We'd all do so much better if we fostered both.
The reason a woman wants to be
physically intimate with you isn't simply because of how good your bodies feel together. What you do with your bodies is only one part of what makes her excited about sex with you. The rest is what your minds and souls do together.
It's in how you flirt with her.
It's in how you use eye contact (some women say just this can send pulses of electricity straight to her p*ssy).
It's in the way you make her feel emotionally safe with you, but yet still a little challenged to follow you into new experiences.
It's in the conversations you have, and the energy and electricity between you.
She wants to feel you f*cking her with your eyes, your words, and the quality of your attention long before you take off any clothes.
A woman's sexuality isn't one-dimensional. It runs through every part of who she is (so does yours by the way!) If you try to relate to her sexually while leaving out some parts of who you are (not being authentic, honest and following your natural instincts), then she ends up missing out on so many aspects of your sexual gifts that she wants to feel, and that creates a watered down experience for her.
She wants to feel all the ways that you enjoy fucking her, not only the physical.
If you want hot, passionate, primal, spontaneous sex, then stop holding back. Even if it's a little scary for you to open up and really show her how you want to be with her. That's not what animals do
(the primal part of sex is animalistic) and if she feels you "trying to manage what she gets to experience of you" then she'll back away from that connection. She wants all of your desire or none of it.
This is a little scary, to open yourself up to the full connection that's possible, but when you do, it's like a vital nutrient for her body.
The difference feels as stark as fullness vs starvation to her.
2. Let Her Yearn for You.
Yearn (verb): have an intense feeling of longing for something, typically
something that one has lost or been separated from.
For women, there can be just as much sensation in the yearning as in the having.
Think about that for a minute - yes, just as much sensation!!
It makes sense though. Think about something from your past that you really, really wanted, but to have it, you had to wait what felt like a ridiculously long period of time before you could have it. By the time it arrived, nothing could stop you having it and enjoying everything about it.
Now imagine the thing
is you...your sexual gifts of desire, attention and appreciation - this is how your masculine energy penetrates her before you physically penetrate her.
Most men go straight in for sex as soon as it's on offer, before she has had a chance to long for it.
There's a lot of truth in the saying that the brain is the largest sex organ.
When you allow her longing be a part of the attraction between you, you'll start to see some amazing things happen in your sex life.
Be patient and
understand that the intense sexual energy between you (your intention and her longing) is quite delicious for her as she feels it building inside her.
You may find that she's suddenly hungry, (ravenous even) to get a taste of what you have to offer.
If
you don't let this hunger build in her until she can't hold it back anymore, she will likely end up pushing you away so that she can have the chance to feel her longing and desire for you again.
Yeah, it's THAT important for her (and it makes the sex you have so much more passionate when you do have it).
When we get impatient and let our hunger push her into a corner where she has to decide whether or not to proceed before she's ready, it's most likely that she'll decide not to.
If you try to turn her maybe into a yes, she'll have the breaks on the whole time. Have you ever had obligation sex?? Lacklustre, disengaged,
unenthusiastic...it feels horrible for her and for you.
Be willing to walk away and let her come to you. Go slower than you're comfortable with so that you're going at a pace that includes her.
Trust me, you'll like her pace ;)
Letting her desire for you ripen will be worth the wait.
3. Don't Give it to Her Until She's Begging for it.
Unlike our arousal which is fuelled by visuals
and direct genital stimulation, her arousal is fuelled more by the tension of flirting, teasing, longing, kissing, and making out.
If you move on to direct genital stimulation before her body is heaving with desire and begging you to touch her, it's too soon, she'll feel like she's missed out on the full experience she wants and then when you are having sex, she won't feel as turned
on as she can be (and wants to be).
Yes, you'll still come, but often she won't. The train will have left the station without her. This is the number one reason she will stop sex from progressing with you, even when she likes you.
If she doesn't get time to warm up,
there's little chance the sex will be any good for her.
You can NEVER go too slow.
She will tell you when she wants you to go faster, I guarantee it!
4. Scrap Technique & Formula. She is Not a Sex Equation to Solve.
You can have sex that doesn't require much connection or vulnerability and that's as much as many men (and women) ever experience.
It's called mechanical sex and it's all about inserting this part into that part and then going through the motions toward the finish line.
Because it misses out the connection and presence elements, this type of sex tends to rely on formula and technique over feeling.
It's like plugging a complex, feeling human into a sex equation and then trying positions, showing off techniques and using certain moves that have worked in the past without actually feeling (and noticing) what she is experiencing in the present.
If you're thinking about the bases you need to cover, switching up techniques to avoid boredom, acting
more turned on than you are, or labouring to get her off, then you're likely in your head instead of in your body. That is mechanical sex.
And when you're disconnected or performing, it pulls her out of experiencing (feeling and enjoying) the moment.
So if
you find yourself in your head, going through a tried and tested routine, stop and don't start up again until you feel present in this moment (relaxed), where every move you then make is honest, authentic and connected to what you're experiencing and what she's experiencing.
It's important to know that she needs to do this sometimes too, so there's some understanding and
consideration that you'll both need to employ in those moments.
5. Nothing About Sex Should Ever Feel Solitary.
Sex can be an amazing experience where you both entirely lose your sense of self-consciousness and become completely present with each
other.
If you go off on a thread of thought or action without feeling her closely connected to you, responding enthusiastically, she will notice and feel alone and the electricity and passion will immediately start to drop away. That's when sex feels mechanical.
She may
have sex with you that feels lonely or is mechanical, but she won't enjoy it anywhere near as much as she could (and nor will you).
Most women have had many experiences of disconnected sex and they are incredibly attuned to sensing every moment when you're in your head or on auto-pilot.
Just like me, I know you get why this is important. We've all had moments when we've felt that the woman we're having sex with has become disconnected from the experience. And like me, most of us had no idea what to do next.
Which is why I'm here explaining this to you now. I needed to understand it for myself first.
When you're hammering away and don't notice that you've lost the connection with her, her body immediately starts to react, her turn on slows down, her enthusiasm drops and her pussy dries up.
She senses the moment that you're not attuned and present (aware and responsive) to her engagement, enthusiasm and
enjoyment of the experience you're creating together.
6. There's No Place You've Got to Get to and No Hurry to Get There.
When you approach sex without an agenda and you don't guide it toward an idea of what you're "supposed" to do, then you both get to
tap into an even better, deeper, more connected experience.
It's not like ticking off checkboxes, doing it so you can say you did or proving some kind of point. She wants to deeply immerse herself in a unique experience with you.
Even if your clothes never
come off, you can have better sex than most of the sex people are having as long as you give yourself fully to the present moment.
Seriously...I've had some amazing sex where both of us climaxed without any clothes coming off at all, and it was WAY hotter than many of my naked sexual experiences. Do not be fooled into thinking that sex has to be how you imagine it
should!
So don't rush through anything to get to the next thing.
Remove the goals and the pressure to have a certain sort of experience and see what naturally arises between you.
You won't be disappointed.
