This is part 1 in a 3-part series.
This is a fair warning...
This might be triggering to read, but the end will be worth it, I promise!
You’ll see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers aren’t a guide to what needs fixing in your marriage. He also
made the mistake of changing his mind whenever he got new advice.
If you want to stop the downward spiral towards divorce, learn from his mistakes!
Luke’s Wife Could Sense His
Indecisiveness
3 dreaded days ago...
That’s when Luke’s beloved wife, Hailey, told him she wanted a divorce.
Her fateful words turned Luke’s world upside down.
He knew their marriage had issues but he was SHOCKED she would go so far as to divorce him.
Luke’s emotions overwhelmed him and he couldn’t keep his tears back.
He cried, begged, and pleaded for her to change her mind.
Nothing Luke said could sway Hailey’s decision.
Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.
Several men advised, “If she wants
divorce let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own”.
Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.
Luke followed their advice and told Hailey she was all on her own
if she wanted to leave him.
Luke felt slightly better knowing he was doing what the men told him was best.
Hailey, on the other hand, was overwhelmed when Luke told her she would have to figure
out the divorce on her own.
Luke was disappointed when he saw his approach didn't change her decision to leave him.
A few days later, Luke read a free eBook about how to stop
divorce.
The eBook strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.
The eBook claimed many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their
partner taking on a leadership role and meeting her needs.
Luke had second thoughts about the advice the Reddit men gave.
He decided to change his stance and help Hailey with the
divorce.
Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.
Hailey was surprised by his change of heart, and let out a huge
sigh of relief.
With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.
Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize
their assets.
But his grief was becoming unbearable and he felt triggered, especially when they started packing family photos.
That night, Luke could hardly sleep.
In the wee hours of the mourning, he turned to YouTube to get advice on how he could save his marriage.
A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.
The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.
This jumped out to Luke.
Over the years, Hailey had said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”
Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.
The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”
These videos caused Luke, for the 3rd time, to change his approach to the
divorce.
He wondered if she would find him more attractive if he stopped bulldozing his own feelings by helping her move on.
The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help
you with this divorce.”
Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”
Luke got defensive
and said, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put me in situations I don’t want any part of!”
Luke tried to explain himself and be open with his feelings like he thought she always wanted.
Hailey stood up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.
How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage
Safety and trust can be created even if we make a "wrong" choice so long
as we follow through.
If we change our minds in search of the "right” choice that pleases our wife, it signals that we don't trust ourselves and can be manipulated.
Not being indecisive sounds easy enough... Until we feel a strong reaction or trigger!
We need to remember that urgency, desperation, triggers, and pain are never good reasons to make big decisions,
especially in a failing marriage.
A man needs a compass to follow as he goes through life if he is to remain confident in the face of uncertainty.
We will never have clarity
of direction if our compass is our reactions or triggers.
Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he needed her feelings to validate his choices.
He also didn’t know how to process negative emotions (his or hers) without acting on them.
The Mistake Luke Could Have Avoided
The 1st mistake to avoid if your marriage is struggling is don’t keep changing your mind in an attempt to change outcomes.
Females are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.
The real mind twist for me was when I understood my wife was more attracted by my consistency and confidence than whether or not my actions pleased her.
During separation or divorce, your consistency is
irreplaceable.
Resist following every new bit of advice you hear and stick to your own code of conduct!
It’s okay to change our minds when we do it slowly and
deliberately.
If we feel rushed or triggered, we need to simply pause and stay our course.
Keep an eye on your inbox! In the next email, I’ll share the 2nd mistake to avoid if you’re in a failing
marriage.
How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking In A Failing Marriage
The take away from Luke’s story is don’t be indecisive in a failing marriage.
Many men confuse stubbornness for confidence and wonder why their wife gets so frustrated when they try to hold their ground.
Mark & I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.
Registration opens on January 11th and will only be open for 24 hours!
Sessions are:
- January 18th
- February 1st
- February 15th
- March 1st
Sessions start at 5:00 PM Pacific time and run for 90 minutes over Zoom.
