First, I want to invite you to our group coaching call this Thursday 17th April at 12pm mountain time, the topic of the call is "What Are You Afraid For Others to Know About You?"
This
discussion is about why we hide the truth and seek to protect ourselves from scrutiny from others.
What would be TOO horrible or dangerous to be shown on the front page of the paper tomorrow morning?
When is confidentiality important and when are we unnecessarily clutching to privacy/anonymity?
When is it appropriate to protect others from possible hurt or harm?
How does hiding the truth sabotage us from getting what we really want?
Exercise: "Tell me something you REALLY don't want me to know about you."
This is going to be a great conversation! If you're looking for a new mindset to keep moving forward, you'll love this Roundtable session!
If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men's Roundtable here.(You'll also gain access to 6 years of recorded previous group coaching
sessions and our private Facebook community).Now onto today's newsletter...
*****
I'll
be blunt.
Most
of the "Save My Marriage" stuff out there will be useless to you.
Why?
Because
most of it tells you only WHAT you can do to reconcile your marriage (usually in JUST 3 WEEKS!!).
Like
this article title. It's the first one to pop up when I Google "How to Save My Marriage".
How to Save Your Marriage: 20 Tips For Healthy Reconciliation
The
20 tips on what to do are not bad tips...it's just that 99% of the couples reading that article can't imagine
doing even ONE of them.
Why?
Because both people in the relationship are a hot mess of anger, resentment, anxiety, fear and insecurity.
There
is no number of TIPS that can help a couple in that condition.
They don't need to know what do to right now.
They need to learn how to not be hot messes.
If
you're a hot mess when trying any of those 20 tips you'll look and feel ridiculous. Nobody trusts a hot mess when they're "trying to be nice" or "trying to communicate better".
It's the loss of "connection".
And the #1 cause of the loss of connection is good old, everyday, garden variety INSECURITY.
Pransky
refers to insecurity as the #1 Human Emotional Disease which kills most marriages.
This
is why I say, "Brother, I'm not interested in saving your marriage...I first want to help you save yourself."
-
Don't
try to "fix her" with tips.
-
Don't
try to make her "love you" with tips.
-
Don't
try to "save your marriage with tips.
When
you save yourself from all of the insecure thoughts, feelings and stories which haunt you on a daily basis, you'll feel emotionally stronger and more confident.
You'll
feel a little lighter, less anxious and more compassionate.
When you finally get a grip on the hot mess of thinking induced bullshit in your head, she can finally move toward you...just a little
bit.
And
THAT is when a few good tips can help you.
First things first. Stop being a hot mess.
And
THAT is fully in your wheelhouse, brother.
It
had better be...because if it's not...you're in real trouble.
More
about that in this video.
