This email from our coach Garrett Prettyman may sting a little.
He describes a cyclical
pattern of interactions almost every guy in our community has had some frustrating experiences with.
If you recognise something from this story and you'd like to change that, consider getting on the April waiting list for the small group format course he is running soon with another of our experienced coaches, Mark
Drezga.
Here's Garrett's story.
*****
You can bring out a sweeter, more loving, and respectful
version of your wife simply by changing how you THINK about her.
Don’t believe me?
Tom’s story below reveals how your
wife picks up on your mindset and reacts to it more than you realize.
Tom & Jessica's Marriage Crisis
Tom’s head was spinning.
The last 20 minutes with his wife, Jessica, had gone horribly wrong.
They were on a weekend getaway, but
something felt off that morning at the hotel.
On the drive home, Jessica imploded.
"I don't feel appreciated or loved by you... I need more verbal affirmation," she said.
Tom thought to himself, "Well, if you want to be told you're sweet, maybe you should act sweet."
Even though he didn’t say it out loud, Jessica could sense his critical thoughts.
"But I do love you," Tom argued. "Just look at all
I do for us - a nice house, a dependable income. I’m always nice to you, I’ve never hit you or done anything abusive."
"You never kiss me unless we're having sex," Jessica snapped.
Lately, this was true.
Jessica had put on a few pounds. She had been cranky and
moody.
Tom didn’t like it.
He felt that
giving kisses and praise would be rewarding behaviors he didn’t want.
So he deflected.
"Ok fine. I'll stop kissing during sex if you don't like it," he said, voice laced with passive-aggression.
"That's not the point. Just, never mind. You never get it!!" Jessica shot back.
She turned away, crying.
She refused to talk anymore.
What's going on here?
Tom
THOUGHT of his wife as cranky, moody, and crazy. This belief was reflected in his TONE - and women are VERY tuned into your tone. Many times, her cranky, moody, or crazy behaviors are actually a REACTION to your tone, not your words. If you want to LEAD her to show up differently, start by addressing how you THINK about her as the ROOT
issue.
How Things Turned Out For Tom & Jessica
Tom finally reached the end
of his rope.
Whatever he had been doing wasn’t working.
At first, he
was hesitant, but he knew reaching out to his dad might help.
His father had been through a divorce but was now 20 years into a happy marriage.
After their phone call, Tom realized he should have asked for guidance years ago.
Mentorship from an experienced man changed everything for
Tom.
Tom learned to:
- Unplug from his wife’s moods and plug into solid men for validation
- Shift his mental framework for
the stories he feeds in his mind
- See new perspectives on his wife's emotions
- Be a happy, confident, emotionally present man
- Develop strong values to
hold his integrity
- Create the experiences he used to demand from others
During this time of personal growth, Jessica decided to separate from
Tom.
But instead of spiraling, Tom stayed committed to his own changes.
Months passed.
Jessica started warming back up.
She could sense that Tom was a new man.
Her curiosity sparked.
They started dating again, and love blossomed between them.
Their marriage today is drastically different from what it once was.
If you asked Tom, he would humbly admit:
"The old marriage needed to die for the new one to begin."
Keep this perspective in mind—Endings are precursors to beginnings.
The reason Tom's wife was drawn back to him was because his
THOUGHTS about her changed his tone and vibe toward her.
Most women will SOFTEN and become more AFFECTIONATE when they sense our positive high regard for them.
This is especially true when we maintain those thoughts of high regard even when she's in a mood or frustrated.
How to Change Your Negative Thoughts About Your
Wife
Most of us men carry around an invisible measuring stick, constantly judging "fairness" in the relationship.
This is the first thing to drop if you want to stop your thoughts from turning sour every time your wife acts out.
Until you do this, your judgment and disapproval toward your wife will stay tied to her moods and feelings—keeping you stuck in a reactive cycle.
In the course, we’ll help you break this codependency
and start THINKING about yourself, your wife, and your marriage in a way that fosters the appreciation both of you deserve.
Once you're on the list, we’ll send you a 10% early-bird coupon
code. Registration opens for 24 HOURS ONLY on April 5th!
Course sessions will run at 5:00 PM Pacific on:
April 12th
April 26th
May 10th
May 24th
Bonus Segment: "What to do if you suspect your wife is having an emotional affair".
This brand-new segment is for men who suspect their wife might be emotionally involved with another
man.
We know emotional (and physical) affairs can damage trust.
You’ll get clear guidance on how to rebuild trust and heal—whether your suspicions are
true or not.
Click HERE to get on the waiting list so you don’t miss out.
Be grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman & Mark Drezga
Associate coaches at GG2GM
