How To Stop Reacting With Anger (And Why We Do)

Published: Wed, 03/19/25

Updated: Thu, 03/20/25

Hey brother,

First, I want to invite you to our group coaching call tomorrow, Thursday 20th March at 12pm mountain time, the topic of the call is "How to Help Someone (Wife or Friend) in Crisis!".

We want to dive into the difficult topic of being with someone who is suffering deep wounds or emotional anguish.

For an interesting primer, click the link below to read the short story from the book "How to Know a Person":
How To Know A Person Excerpt

Here are some discussion points:

Why it's so uncomfortable when someone else is NOT comfortable
How to help without smothering or excess "care taking"
What they need most and why it's so hard to give it to them
How to let go of your need for control and certainty
The FEAR of nothing changing...ever!

This is going to be a great conversation! If you're looking for a new mindset to keep moving forward, you'll love this Roundtable session!

If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men's Roundtable here.
(You'll also gain access to 6 years of recorded previous group coaching sessions and our private Facebook community).

Now onto today's newsletter...

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So there I was...perched on the top step of a crooked ladder, standing on one foot with a framing nail gun in my hand as I leaned out to put just ONE MORE nail in the siding.

Everything in my brain said, "this is stupid", but I kept going.

Then BAM! I was on a pile of rocks with blood already running down my arm.

The anger was already boiling before I even hit the ground. I knew exactly what happened and why.

Then the embarrassment set in as I DID have a witness. The worst kind. The one woman I would prefer to see me in a better light.

I've always loved building stuff. Especially when it's well planned, organized and things go just how I imagine they should.

This She Shed/He Shed project has mostly gone really well. Until today.

I was in a hurry. Rain was coming. And I thought I could take the kind of risks I used to take when I was 29 - not 59. Actually the risks never paid off then and they didn't today.

I explain the whole thing (and show you my boo-boo) in this video.

How To Stop Reacting With Anger (And Why We Do)

There is Always Another Anger Behind Your Anger

We tend to believe that anger is simple. We think it's a normal emotional reaction to something that ticks us off, offends us or scares us.

Have you ever had an angry outburst over something only to realize later there was something else going on inside you? Has your temper ever gotten so ridiculous that you became more angry at yourself for allowing it to go that far?

All too often what's hiding behind our externally expressed anger is the SHAME of not doing better, knowing better or BEING better.

That's what I was really mad about today. And guess what?

I've learned that the SOONER I ADMIT IT the better I feel and the better the day goes from that point forward.

Typically we will make quick moves to defend our anger and silly outbursts because admitting we're ashamed of being an ass is too much to bear.

My coaching for you today is to MOVE FAST to admitting the truth. Yes...out loud. Admit to yourself and admit to any witnesses (or victims) of your anger.

One reason women absolutely hate it when their man gets mad is because it scares them. They think we don't have any control and we don't have the ability to see how badly it affects others.

When we can quickly show that we have a handle on it, own it, laugh at ourselves and move on...the faster your relationship will get back to normal. I guarantee it. Try it this weekend.

If you're reading this email and thinking, "Damn, I wish I had other guys to talk to about this stuff." join the club.

I know exactly what you mean. I spent 5 decades THINKING about this stuff, secretly reading about this stuff, but had nobody who really enjoyed TALKING about this stuff.

It turns out the most powerful, interesting, confident and courageous men I've found are those who have the ability to be open, honest, unapologetic and vulnerable about this stuff. It's changed my life I want the same for you.

When I say "join the club" I mean it.

These are the ways you can join the fun and start getting more of want you want from yourself and from your life - sooner than later.

$149 One-Time Payment: The Goodguy2Greatmen 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage - if you need an instant change in your life and relationship Dan and I created our most powerful short course to help you start feeling more calm and confident and to know what actions to take to start changing your circumstances.

Free: If you're serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.

What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?

We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know getting triggered and spending too much time as an angry man is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 6 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?

$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

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Please know you are always in control of your subscription to this newsletter and the use of your email address. You signed yourself up and you can “unsign” yourself anytime you please by clicking the “Unsubscribe” link at the bottom of this email. I will always respect your privacy and personal data. You may email me directly if you ever have any questions or concerns about the use of your personal information.

Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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