How To Still Be Confident When Your Wife Is Closed Off

Published: Tue, 12/10/24

Updated: Sun, 12/15/24

Hey brother,

First, I want to invite you to our group coaching call this Thursday, 12th December at 12pm mountain time, the topic of the call is "How to Deal With Your AVOIDANT Partner".

In this call we will address the frustration, confusion and sadness of being with someone who finds it uncomfortable being with you.

What's this "attachment style" stuff all about
What's YOUR style?
What do you want...what does she want...and what's a healthy relationship look like?
What can you do to help?
What are you willing to accept?
What if you decide you want more than she's able to give?

To prepare for the meeting, read and watch the info in this article. This lady, Brianna MacWilliam, has given a LOT of time to this topic.
How to Deal with an Avoidant Partner (A Guide)

I also wrote an article about it for the Gottman Marriage Institute back in 2017.

How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship

We're going to have a great conversation that's guaranteed to help you feel more clear and more connected to the man you want to be.

If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men's Roundtable here.
(You'll also gain access to 5 years of recorded previous group coaching sessions and our private Facebook community).

Now onto today's newsletter...

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Every single man in my community is painfully aware of what "Marital PTSD" means.

It's that gutted feeling of loss, sadness and fear.

And just like in war some of us recover and move on and some of us don't.

What's the difference between these two guys?

It's our ability to see deeper into the GIFT being offered.

And it's the determination to NOT ALLOW the circumstances to own us while we rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.

I call this Post Traumatic Growth or PTG.

Every single man we work with eventually reaches a vantage point and perspective where he sees everything differently.

And it's with these new "glasses" that he can finally see the gift, the growth and the POSSIBILITIES of how he will move forward.

Watch this video first for a little more detail.

How To Still Be Confident When Your Wife Is Closed Off

When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.
~ Viktor E. Frankl - A Man's Search for Meaning

Allow me to say this as plainly as possible. No more lofty quotes.

After the shell shock of hearing "I want space." or "I'm not in love with you." or "I think we need to divorce." is over, you have only ONE effective choice to make.

That choice is to learn something and grow from it.

I know your first instinct is to scream, argue, analyze, investigate and FIX things so you can get back to your regularly scheduled program.

Here's a message from the Emergency Broadcast System:

It's too late. You're already into a new program. The old program has been cancelled.

The next questions are always WHAT should I do? And HOW can I see this in any other way than total devastation??

You could write a book to answer those questions. Actually I did.

Let me give you the CliffNotes version

You should step back and stop what you're doing right now. Just stop.

Release all pressure including angry outbursts, accusations, arguing and those long, deep, heavy conversations.

Find at least ONE initiated man who has already been in this war and emerged victoriously and talk with him regularly.

Take a deeeep breath and begin a spiritual journey of knowing ALL good things in your life will come from leaning into discomfort and looking for the gift and opportunity.

Decide you WILL learn from this and figure out how to change yourself in the face of unchangeable circumstances.

BELIEVE deep in your heart that you're okay at this moment and you will be okay...no matter what happens.

That last one is especially important and especially difficult for many men.

They have no basis for this belief and, therefore, no ability to even imagine being "okay" in any other scenario than the one they were expecting.

In coaching we are able to DIVE MUCH DEEPER into those expectations and those insecure feelings of abandonment, rejection and emotional evisceration. As I mention in the video, a man can reach a vantage point in this process that LIBERATES him from those feelings.

Sadness? Yes. Guilt? Yep. Regret? Almost certainly.

But shame, suffering and illusions of devastation are a CHOICE.

And therein lies the big secret.

Change your thoughts and you will change your reality.

Dan Dore and I would love you to join us at that vantage point. The view here is awesome.

Some great options for you to join us straight away are...

Free: If you're serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.

What do I mean by "SERIOUS"?

We take YOU and your struggles seriously...because we've been there
We know living with a cold, closed off wife is serious
And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?

$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Lotta love,

Steve & Dan

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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