When your marriage is struggling badly there are proven ways to accelerate its demise...and proven ways to stop the struggle and downward spiral.
Unfortunately, most of us take the first route. With anxious urgency, we scramble for solutions, make snap decisions and trip all over ourselves trying to "save" it. This is how we can accelerate a divorce because it only adds fuel to the fire and validates her feelings that she's with the wrong guy.
So...what's the alternative? What would you have to do...or who would you have to BE in order to slow down the freight train of impending divorce?
How do you "change her mind" without desperately making things worse?
Coach Garrett Prettyman has a story about Luke and Hailey. You'll see how Luke is grasping for control by trying anything and everything he's seen online.
Don't be a "Luke".
can avoid all the wishy-washy mistakes most men make.
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This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a
guide for recovering a failing marriage.
Luke's Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness
3 Days ago.
That's when Luke's wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, "I want a divorce".
Luke's world was turned upside down.
He knew their marriage had issues but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.
Luke's emotions overwhelmed him and he couldn't keep the tears back.
He cried, begged, and pleaded for her to change her mind.
Nothing Luke said could sway Hailey's decision.
Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for
advice.
"If she wants divorce let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own" several men advised.
Another man said, "If she wants to move out, let her do it
herself".
Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.
Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with divorce
regardless.
A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.
The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce
process.
The E-book claimed many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.
Luke took this advice to
heart.
Luke told Hailey, "I've got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork".
Hailey let out a huge sigh of
relief.
With teary eyes, she said, "Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me".
Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and
categorize their assets.
Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.
He loved Hailey dearly and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him
up.
Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.
A popular influencer said something that resonated with
him.
The influencer said, "A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper".
This jumped out to Luke.
Over the years, Hailey had many times said, "I want to know what you're feeling, why won't you open up to me?"
Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.
The next YouTube video Luke watched said, "The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries."
Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the
divorce.
The very next day, he told Hailey, "I'm setting a boundary that I can't help you with this divorce."
Hailey's eyes filled with frustration and she said, "This is why
I'm divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you're always changing your position!"
Luke replied, "No I don't! You always make poor choices that put us in situations I don't want any part of!"
Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.
Hailey got up and said, "I'm staying at my friend's house tonight. We're done".
How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage
Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering or painful feeling.
Urgency and desperation are never
good reasons to make big decisions.
Trust me when I say it's better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing our minds.
Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate if his choices were correct.
He also didn't know how to process grief, allowing the pain to make him go back on his promise to help
her.
Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey's choices or his feelings.
Women are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they
are to the logic supporting our decisions.
If the moment a new perspective emerges our boundaries and decisions change, we demonstrate that we don’t trust ourselves.
During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.
Resist following every new bit of new advice and stick to
your own code of conduct!
It's okay to change our minds when we do it slowly and deliberately, not because we feel rushed or triggered.
How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking
Many men confuse stubbornness for confidence and wonder why their wife gets so frustrated when they try to hold their ground.
Mark
& I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.
Click HERE to pay and save your spot!
The cost is only two monthly payments of $424.
Use coupon Code STRONG to get
a 10% discount before July 27th!
If you join the course now, you'll have these skills down by October.
October is coming either way,
wouldn't it be great to have a permanent boost in your masculine confidence by that time?
We can't spoon-feed confidence to you, but you can show up to the course with a commitment to positive change as your first step to building your mojo.
Registration closes August 3rd and our first session will be August 17th at 5:00 PM Pacific.
We'll see you in the course!
Garrett Prettyman & Mark Drezga
Associate coaches at GG2GM
